Snow Hunny,Tom Terd, Man Boobs...How Nice!

"Taylor Valentine?" says the lady at the front desk, "Someone has been waiting for you since 7am!" I'm a little scared and slightly intrigued since I don't know anyone at Jay peak! Needless to say, we ran over to the mart for the first of 3338383 beers to wait on my mystery man/roommate. I realllllly wish I had never found him because he turned out to be a creep! I didn't believe a thing he said about his life. He wasn't a marine or a train conductor. I'm pretty sure he used to be in jail and probably plays with toy trains and barbies! He kept telling us "I'm an insomniac, I don't ever sleep!" Well, after "injuring" his rib on the second day, my silly friends pointed out that "all he did was sleep/snore on the floor!" Anyway, he really sucked and the last 2 days were creep-free.

Our "modern" condo was hilarious. All 3 TVs were wood-sided with knobs and antennas! The TV in my room had a built in radio. We only had 13 channels AND no remote! WTF? I'm American and lazy; I don't get up to change channels! Hence why I watched 37 episodes of full house. I also loved the cassette player and the "surround sound" (aka 2 giant speakers, on shelves, on either side of the couch.) The BEST part of the whole condo had to be the mirrors on the ceiling of my room. I really hope those sheets were cleaned before we got into that whoopee-makin' bed!

I spent more time in the hot tub then I did on the mountain! LOL I love boarding but I love being warm and not to mention checking out my snow hunny 1/2 naked doesn't hurt either! ;)

I did go bikini snowboarding. Although, when I woke up that day , I was wishing I could have backed out of it! Unfortunately, the night before I was drunken nerd and told the world to come see my white ass heading down the mountain! The whole week is was 35-40 degrees and OF COURSE, on bikini day, it was 19 at the peak! I lasted just 3 minuties with nothing but the bikini on and almost 20 minutes (allllll the way down) with just my coat on. I have never been so cold in my life. I couldn't feel my legs for like 12 hours after the bikini run! I don't know what the hell I was thinking! People kept asking me "are you wasted or high?" And NO I wasn't either of those; I was just dumb!

There was also Tom "Terd!" He was the biggest creep ever! He claimed to be 35 but he was more like 55. He was the guy running this trip and offered to give us a ride to the hot tub. As we were pulling out of the parking lot he says "I know the hot tub is left but I just want to show you something real quick." I'm thinking " OH MY GOD...We're all going to die!" He was driving like a maniac down snowy, mountain roads and took us to a parking lot. He then proceeded to do donuts in the snow. The other girls didn't seem to mind this but I started to cry/have a panic attack. I was in a pretty shitty, multiple car accident just a few months ago so, I have a bit of post traumatic stress disorder. I told him this and kept begging for him to let me out; I would rather walk! Anyway, we survived but I hated the terd at this point. He decided to join as in the hot tub in only his tighty blackies underwear! GROSSSSS! I labeled him MAN BOOBS and hoped never to see his stupid face again!

Overall, I'm pretty bummed to be home!!! I miss being in the snow everyday and of course, my snow hunny! :(

I Don't Do Coke!

It was 9:45PM and I had just gotten comfy in bed... Reading a book. I'm not one for wearing a lot of pj's to bed (it's 38383 degrees in my apartment) so, when I hear knocking at my door...I'm scrambling to find pants as not to scare the mystery knocker! I know it's my friendly neighbor, mark, because he is yelling and banging on the door "Taylor, Hey...It's Mark." Apparently, I was not quick enough to answer. So, what does he want? He would like to know if I'd like a 12 pack of soda. I find this odd and ever odder that it's 10pm and he's asking if I want regular or diet. Needless to say, I didn't take any. AND it's not because I don't like soda. In fact, I LOVE soda but I spent 3 hours and MANY days of pain, getting my teeth whitened. There is NO WAY in hell, I'm losing these white chompers to the yellow tinge of cola!

Anyway, another note on my lovely neighbor. He is always quite friendly and I like him. One day he knocked on my door and I'm thinking he might ask to borrow the usual "cup of sugar" but he wanted a flash light! I just find it funny because when I said "Mark, you owe me a cup of sugar now," he said "Well, I don't have sugar but I have muscles!" I'm not quite sure how to take that comment.

Wine & Me: Perfect Together!

It might be a sad day when you are busting open the BIG bottle of wine...By yourself...on a Thursday night but I don't care that day is today! It's not like today was horrible; maybe life has been horrible lately. It all started when I was eating dinner and flipping through the Victoria Secret catalog. Seems normal, Right? EXCEPT, I'm contemplating buying some lingerie. UM, HELLLLOOOO Taylor? You're single and alone...Who the hell are you buying this for? So then , I started feeling sad and busted open the wine! AND here we are. It's 7:58 and I'm blogging about my life.

I've been feeling crazy tired lately. So tired that after 12 hours of sleep, I still can't open my eyes. I'm thinking I'm 1 of 3 things: Depressed, getting sick or knocked up. The first 2 are OK, I guess. The 3rd makes me want to vomit. SO, I'm wishing for a sign that it's either 1 or 2 because what else could it be?

The dishes in the sink overwhelm me. It's not fair that I have to cook and wash the dishes too! But really, who the hell am I complaining too? This is reality and when you live alone...You either cook or eat fast food. Since I have a fear of love handles, I'm gonna go with cooking. A cheeseburger would be nice though. :(

Decision Smcision..I Don't Care!

You know you're getting old when the "older" guys you used to date are turning 30. Even worse yet: The MUCH "older" guys you dated are married with kids! What is up with TIME? Life really seems to be flying by. Is it quantum physics or is it just me? All I know is that time has changed me. I'm tired by 10pm, I'm always cold (sort of like your grandma,) and I'd rather stay in on Friday night instead of bar hopping. It seems like every week I find myself saying "OMG how is it Thursday already?!?" How the HELL do you slow down time?!?!?


Even with the ridiculously fast passing of time I have learned something. It doesn't really matter how smart you are, you're still an idiot! On paper I look decently smart. When I speak? Yep, still looking smart. Yet, I make the same mistakes 38383838 times. So does that make me only book smart? Eh, I don't think so. No common sense? Nah, I'm pretty sure I have some of that! So, this is what I think: Every time I'm about to make a really bad decision I say to myself "well, you only live once!" So, perhaps this isn't the best motto (It doesn't get me anywhere.) I mostly regret making the decisions that I've spent time fretting over. There might be something seriously wrong with me! Well, either way...there's always next year to screw up! ;) BYE!

Table For One Please

So, here comes my 26Th year on earth and my life...well, it isn't exactly how I pictured it. I imagined by 2010 that I'd have a career, a man and perhaps a two bedroom condo. Well, I have none of those. I do however, have rent that I really can't afford, a wedding that never was and zero job prospects as far as I can see. Life is looking really great these days!!!

Most people will give me their stupid words of wisdom such as "It could be worse," "be grateful for what you have" and my favorite "This is the best time in your life." First of all, I can probably say that you were 25 in 1980....correct? OK, so you really don't know what it's like being 25 in 2009 and this isn't the best time in my freakin' life!!!

It was just under a month ago, that I was starting to feel somewhat secure. Having someone to spend my time with, split my worries with and simply someone to always talk to seemed normal. Now it's just me and my kitties. Crazy cat lady here I come? Eh.. I don't know!

I worry about the future even though I should just take it one day at a time. I worry about health insurance, car payments and recently, finding the one. It almost seems odd that I could be tricked into thinking that I had found the one. A year ago I was fine with dating 2, even 3 guys at at time. Sure, finding the one was always in the back of my mind but it just didn't seem as important as having a good time. Oh how time has changed me.

I'm different and maybe, just maybe I'm not much of a loner anymore. Living alone sure is interesting. Cooking for yourself is about as fun as jumping out the window and the people on level 2 are crackheads. I'm investing in a SHARP shanking tool to use in the 3am crack-fight that is sure to occur! Perhaps I will start eating less or get a hobby or better yet a second job! Happy depression everyone!

I'm Cop Hatin' and You Can't Stop Me

While sitting at a red light yesterday, a ridiculously unattractive cop pulls me over. He gets out of his car and starts examining mine. So when he asks me "do you know why I stopped you?", I reply "uh, no", slightly confused. I'm thinking "oh crap I probably have a tail light out or something silly," after all he was checking out my car for a good 30 seconds! I give him my paperwork plus a PBA card (thanks JC!) and he proceeds to his car. 25 terribly exhausting minutes later he hands me a speeding ticket and says "Here you go, you didn't seem too concerned about getting one." I just can't let this one go so, I say "excuse meeeee, what the F is the point of a PBA card?" "Well, I gave you the PBA card back instead," says the nerdy cop. He starts walking to his car as I yell "I didn't didn't want the damn card back!!!"

Sigh. Here is where I tell you this: I have spent the last 8 years abiding all traffic laws and above all else, loving cops! But this love of mine ends here. I will no longer check out cops, text JLE about them or blog about hot cop interactions. They are dead to me! Since when do cute Chic's not get out of tickets? This marks my first ticket and the first time I have ever needed to use a PBA card! Now, I am forced to wonder why PBA cards don't work for me? Is it because I am not cute? Nah, that sure isn't it! ;) Perhaps it is because I am sick right now and just kind of cranky? who knows! I am not lying when I say I have at least 10 PBA cards wasting space at home. I don't freakin' speed! In fact, 383838 people have mocked my lack of speed while cruising on the parkway.

I laugh at this $85 dollar speeding ticket. I'd rather pay all the court fees in the world then plead guilty. See ya in court Officer Fattie!

PS. Military guys and Firefighters: You're still hot in my book!

"Hair" We GO Again

For the last few days I've been calling the boyfriend "Scruffy McScrufferson" because his facial hair was getting a little out of control! I told him he had a 4:15 shadow because the poor kid had a seriously spotty lookin' "beard." As luck would have it, his boss told him to clean up because "his beard is longer then his hair" (he recently shaved his head.) Which brings me to my point: If guys get heat at work for facial hair would chic's get it for leg hair too? I mean there has been a fews instances where I sure as hell should have shaven them or at least worn pants. I can admit I wasn't lookin' so hot but with all the things us chics have to shave...sometimes I need a freakin' break! Anywho, it's a double standard for me. I will nag/complain/B*itch about his facial hair until he shaves it but that won't work for my legs! It's every 3-3 1/2 days for me. Happy hair!