"Hair" We GO Again

For the last few days I've been calling the boyfriend "Scruffy McScrufferson" because his facial hair was getting a little out of control! I told him he had a 4:15 shadow because the poor kid had a seriously spotty lookin' "beard." As luck would have it, his boss told him to clean up because "his beard is longer then his hair" (he recently shaved his head.) Which brings me to my point: If guys get heat at work for facial hair would chic's get it for leg hair too? I mean there has been a fews instances where I sure as hell should have shaven them or at least worn pants. I can admit I wasn't lookin' so hot but with all the things us chics have to shave...sometimes I need a freakin' break! Anywho, it's a double standard for me. I will nag/complain/B*itch about his facial hair until he shaves it but that won't work for my legs! It's every 3-3 1/2 days for me. Happy hair!

Goodbye Swimmers

I don't really get that whole tight jeans/bum hanging out style! First of all, why not just buy longer jeans? Afterall, guys do get select-a-length when they purchanse pants (chic's only get to choose from 3!) Second of all, perhaps these tight-jean wearing freaks could buy more fashinable undies? Why do I always see granny-white boxers? Which brings me to my third point: Why not wear briefs? Briefs could save these boys from the infamous "bubble-bum" caused by boxers that ride up. My last point is that guys legs are way toooo skinny and tight jeans just worsens the situation. I don't even know if non-stick-like legs would work in tight jeans (I think they'd prob get stuck in them!) However, there really arent that many guys with nice legs except of course my future husband, who has not only lovely legs, but they arent hairy either (plus he is just so damn cute!) In short, this style is just soooo not hot. Cover your bony non-existant bum; no one wants to see it!

PS. I'm really starting to wonder if all that tightness around the front is even that great for all those swimmers! Sounds like a low-sperm-count future if you ask me!

PPS. If my BF wore the same size/style pants as me...I'd be concerned! Watch out!

Bug Bites: My Only Souvenir

There are A LOT of freakin' bugs in Key Largo. Need proof? Well, I'm not going to show you my poor bum which is stricken by 328383 mosquito bites. BUT I will tell you this: I have, in total, 38 bug bites (Yes, I stripped down and counted them!) I spent countless hours of my vacation scratching myself until I could no longer feel the horrific itch. During the day you could easily find me applying various remedies such as cortizone creme, rubbing alcohol and ice(all of which didn't help, by the way.)I was also popping allergy medicine like it was crack. One night I woke up to scratch my leg and almost started to cry when I couldn't get the pills out of the damn blister pack! After a day or two I realized those shitty med's weren't working and I accepted my reality; A REALLY ITCHY life.

Anyway, the condo we were staying in made me chuckle because the bedspread was from 1982 (I'm positive about this.)Immediately I decided that we were no longer going to use the elevator because that too was from 1982 and I sure as hell was not getting stuck in there! It seemed like a good choice at first until I got to the 4th floor; All sweaty and gasping for air. Either way we made the journey up and down four flights of stairs 5-6 times a day. I feel good about it now; perhaps it makes up for the 3383838 beers I drank?

On the second morning there I also decided that Dave and I are NEVER getting a king size bed. I woke up lonely, cold and on the opposite side of the bed. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED to spooning Taylor?!? I told Dave that king size beds are for 3 people and we are 2 so, It's not happening! Not to mention the fact that when I woke up to the loudest thunder EVER, Dave was like 6 miles away. I was scared and he was snoring. Now, I could say this is because Dave is a heavy sleeper but nah, I'm going with the fact that it's a king size! Speaking of weather, it rained EVERY day and I'm not talking about drizzle. It was heavy downpours for at least a part of 7 days straight. One afternoon is rained so hard, I became nervous. The wind was blowing shit everywhere and I thought for sure death was coming. The hell-like storm passed but I really don't think islands are cool during hurricane season!

I had some really crazy hair there. Dave said he liked the "wild" look but I didn't. On day 6 I finally quit the curly look and succumbed to my straighter. I felt human again! Sorry Dave!

We made pancakes almost everyday (I really love them.) Some days I made bacon with them. On day 5 Dave realized that I was feeding him turkey bacon and called me deceitful! LOL He also said I'm on a health kick because I feed him whole grain pancakes, turkey bacon and wheat croutons. He can think what he wants; I just enjoy the healthy stuff!

We went on a few long bike rides while we were there. We must have been freakin' nutty to be riding 10 miles in the Florida sun. After a mile we were both soaked and I was pretty cranky! We did manage to stop at the adult boutique. I kind of felt like a 15 year old riding my bike to a porn store! LOL

One day we took a road trip to Key West. It took like 38383 years to get there. The scenery was interesting to say the least. The medians in the Keys are sky blue which was pretty. I didn't quite understand the
slow down...deer habitat ahead" sign. How are there only deer in one little spot of the Keys? And I said to Dave: "I wonder if deer are happy here...They must eat fish...they live on the beach!" We both laughed at that because he said they like to eat grass in NJ. Any who, There are like 38383 Keys and may favorite is called the "No Name Key;" How god damn original! The whole way to Key West I kept kicking myself for not bringing my bathing suit; there were 373737 teal-blue,swimming spots and it was 95 degrees! I decided to buy a new bikini while in Key West. To my surprise I found a swimsuit store that was having a "going out of business" sale. I tried on 3838388 bikini's but only one fit my el largo bum. I ended up having to buy a large bottom! How horrible but at least I had to get a large top too! Wooohoo, I guess I have the boobs to match! The suit was adorable, fit perfectly and I thought for sure it had to be cheap; Signs said 75% off! I almost crapped my pants when the register said $72! What a freakin' scam that store was! I ended up buying it because I HAD TO HAVE IT! After all, It was on the cover of Sports Illustrated!

On the way back, after some Key Lime Pie, we stopped for swimming. I couldn't wait to get in the crystal clear water (It was just so damn hot in FL!) To our surprise, the ocean was like a hot tub; So hot that it felt like your skin was peeling off! We went at least a mile out into the shallow water and turned back; I was just sweaty and getting nervous with all the crabs floating around! I kept thinking that there sure are a lot of Cubans in the Keys...I guess it's just a short 90 mile swim in shark infested, hot tub water! Wow, What a waste of time that "swim" was! I decided to lose my bottoms before we got in the car because they were wet. I've never gone commando with a skirt on before and I don't recommend it! As I got out of the car I must have flashed 7 random people. I really feel for Britney spears now!

One day we went snorkeling on a huge fishing boat. I was glad I didn't get seasick like I usually do. I did however get horrible blisters from the fins. I had to quit before I ever got to see underwater Jesus (Bloody feet aren't so great for keeping away sharks!) I don't know if I really enjoy snorkeling that much. However, the best part came on the way back when we saw a dolphin jumping next to the boat! sooo cute!

In short, I'd definitely wear bug spray next time and perhaps ask one of those Cubans for a "Cuban" sandwich! hahahah

Ok, BYE!

Don't Punch Me Bro!

I don't know what the hell it is but I sure am angry today. It all started with job searching via craigslist. After 3 miserable hours I started feeling shitty and got the "I suck/I can't do anything/what a loser" attitude. So, then I decided that shopping was the option. Only I forgot to go to the bathroom first (I have the smallest bladder in the world.)As it turns out, trying on clothes isn't that fun when you feel like you're going to pee your freakin' pants! Finally, I get to the register with a bunch of shit I don't even need or even really want. The Cashier was a total idiot. She took forever, couldn't remember what she had rung up and the best part was the fact that she was the manager! There I am trying to hold my pee in and I am seriously considering stabbing her in the eye. Now, I realize I may have a few anger issues( thank god I don't carry a knife)but luckily in the end I walked away saying "wow, you aren't very friendly." I'm sure my comment ruined her life. Well, Maybe I should invest in a punching bag... I just feel so angry!

The Declining Economy: Is Any One Recession-Proof?

My award winning recession story... I wrote this for school and the press of AC! :P

You finally have the American dream: A family, a good job and a house. You think you’re safe from the recession. Well, think again. What appears to be secure today could be gone tomorrow. The working middle class is only one group out of many that has become impaired because of our turbulent economy. Many senior citizens, singles, recently divorced people and even business owners are now hitting rough patches in their lives. These are the people you’d never expect to be in a needy situation. For the first time in their lives, many of these individuals are asking for help.

“Recently, I met a construction worker who couldn’t find work” says Ann Hartmann, president of the Tuckerton Area Inner Church Food Pantry, “He was a strapping guy...I never would have thought someone like him would need help.” Conversely, these are just the type of people Hartmann now sees on a regular basis.

“I’m the jack of all trades” says Hartmann, who has worked at the Pantry for over fifteen years. Hartmann runs the daily operations of the Pantry and organizes the volunteers. The pantry began in a local garage and now helps people from Eagleswood to New Gretna. Today, a tiny blue shed next the Little Egg Harbor recreation center is the home base for the pantry. “Space is troublesome in all food pantries…there’s just not enough of it,” says Hartmann. For much needed space, the pantry utilizes storage at a local churches and the VFW.

The pantry, which represents ten local churches, is open to anyone needing assistance. Volunteers screen applicants but don’t have the resources or time for background checks; they simply hope people are honest. The pantry is only open for ten hours a week but helps nearly 300 families a month. “The amount of people in need has been escalating in the past few months,” says Hartmann “One day recently we had twenty-four families come in.” Hartmann says that the rise in needy people is definitely due to the declining economy. According to The State of New Jersey’s website, unemployment rates are on the rise. In September, 6% of New Jersey’s population was unemployed. CNN Money.com puts New Jersey at the top of its Unemployment by State list.

Although, money is short for many people, kindness is not. The pantry has an abundance of volunteers. Over fifty people volunteer their time to make boxes for needy families. These boxes, which families receive twice a month, include staples like, bread, milk and chicken. There is no shortage of food on the shelves (and floors) of the pantry either. Thanks to food drives and generous donations by local residents, the pantry has more than enough food right now.

Why do so many people need assistance? US Attorney Legal Services states that foreclosure rates across the county have gone up 97% in the past year and New Jersey’s situation only continues to get worse. Currentforeclosures.com shows NJ as having 650 foreclosures since August; 310 in November alone. More and more families are losing their homes. Many can no longer afford their mortgage payment and selling their home may not even be an option anymore. Home values have dropped drastically nationwide. Many people can’t sell their house because they owe more on their loans then they could potentially profit from the sale. By 2009 The Housing and Community Development Network of New Jersey predicts that 1 in 5 loan mortgages in New Jersey will be in default. With such shocking statistics, it is no surprise that so many people are homeless.

Kathy Schmookler, Volunteer coordinator and development assistant at the Atlantic City Rescue Mission, sees hundreds of homeless people daily. The rescue mission’s goal is to prevent homelessness but that’s not always possible. Homelesstales.com says that there are over 5,000 homeless people in the Atlantic City area alone. With the great amount of needy people in the area, the rescue mission faces an uphill battle daily.

Schmookler, who has worked in rescue missions for over thirty years, says “The economy has caused a swell in new clients.” Schmookler says that foreclosures, sudden losses of job, medical emergencies and other temporary issues have caused the additional need for assistance. “The working class is in need more than ever,” says Schmookler. Not only does the rescue mission provide shelter for the homeless but also supplies food baskets to needy families, work programs for the unemployed, addiction treatment, medical treatment and much more. “We’re like bookends…everything from homeless prevention to assisting people to they’re able to get their lives back to normal;” says schmookler “we’re holding their hands every step of the way.

“The biggest myth for us is that we’re just a soup kitchen,” says Schmookler “we do so much more than that.” The rescue mission has hundreds of volunteers and rarely has the need to recruit volunteers. “People realize there’s more demand [on the rescue mission] and come forward to help” says Schmookler. Although the rescue mission has an abundance of volunteers, they are still struggling for donations. Since the decline of the economy, the rescue mission has not been receiving the same amount of grants. Many of the foundations, who once gave thousands to the rescue mission, can no longer afford to donate at all. The working class, who has always donated food and money to rescue mission, can’t anymore because of their own financial hardships.

The economy is affecting everyone. Small business owners are feeling the strain of the recession as well. Common Folk Art owner Pam Valentine has been struggling to stay afloat since opening her store in 2006. “This year all around seems worse for my t-shirt business,” says Valentine in regards to declining sales. Custom t-shirts are a great novelty item yet her business is still in jeopardy. “When people are forced to scrimp just to pay bills…there is no room for impulse purchases’” says Valentine “Businesses like mine are suffering.” According to gaebler.com, half of all small businesses fail within four years. Valentine has been doing free-lance artwork, developing new ideas and desperately trying to expand her business through the internet to avoid closing her store.

Novelty stores like Common Folk Art aren’t the only businesses that are suffering. Casual eateries seem to be in jeopardy as well. “People who might in the past have gone out to eat twice a week are now staying at home for meals” says Valentine. She worries that all the independent restaurants, that are now vulnerable, will be bought up by large chains during the recession. She says that eventually this will also apply to large chain retailers that drive mom & pop stores out. “In the end, we all suffer from decreases in service, quality and variety” says Valentine.

Are any of us really recession-proof? It doesn’t seem like it anymore. Foreclosure, unemployment, financial hardship and homelessness can happen to anyone.

I'm No Gold Digger...That's For Sure!

This rainy hump day really got me thinking about the past; specifically CSL. I’m glad that a year had passed and my ridiculous feelings have left the building known as my head! However, I’m still kind of angry. I’m sure I'll eventually forget, as I do most things but forgive? Nah, that ain’t happening! It’s nearly impossible to forget my time in NY. I can’t remember any good times. I can’t even remember any good times after I moved out! He conned me into thinking he was in love with me but that wasn’t the case!

He was so moody and not only was he shitty to me but to his mom as well. AND the worst part was that she was always so nice to him. The worst thing she ever did was ask him where he was going! That reminds me of the time when I came home at 9:30pm after 12 hours of work and school and he wasn’t home. I started getting worried. He was always home at that time. He wasn’t answering his phone and then he comes home like nothing was wrong. I asked him to just leave me a simple note saying where he was going and he flipped out; saying I’m controlling! Who knew caring was also known as controlling bitch!? Anyway, I’m the least jealous/nosy person ever! I never once looked at his phone or even thought he was cheating! This is precisely why he got away with cheating! I guess I’m the best person to cheat on…it’s like I’m in my own little bubble of faux happiness! I almost cheated on him once. There was this cute guy who always came to visit me at work. He bugged me for months about having a drink with him and so, one day I finally gave in. CSL was out with his friends and I figured it was just a drink. We went out for a few hours but then I started to feel guilty, so I went home. It turns out CSL wasn’t out with his friends. He had cooked me a romantic dinner and he even had wine! I felt pretty shitty about it but don’t start feeling bad for him; that was the like the only time he ever did anything sweet for me. AND I ALWAYS came home after work; he didn’t.

I’d like to go back to the fact that I went to school full-time and worked two shitty jobs while living with him. When I first moved to NY, I decided not to go to the gym and I LOVE the gym!! BUT I just couldn’t afford it. After 10 long weeks of feeling shitty and feeling like a fattie, he said he would pay for the gym. However, it always seemed like I was begging for the money every month. So, I decided to get a job at the daycare there! It was truly horrible. I always ended up having to watch 25 kids at one time. It’s kind of tough feeding 3 newborns and policing 12 toddlers at the same time. Let me just tell you this: It was shitty pay but at least going to the gym was free and I didn’t have to beg anymore!

I also asked him to pay for my birth control because after all, he didn’t want a baby either! And that was the SAME situation: Begging. He made me split the food shopping bill too. I mean seriously…$100 bucks a month was nothing to him. I knew how much he made because he made me a budget on excel. I saw his by accident and I almost cried. According to mine, I was negative $65 a month not including any unexpected expenses (god forbid I ever wanted to buy myself something!). My crappy retail job wasn’t paying anything either. I was working a two-person job for $10 an hour. I can’t believe I even worked for $10 an hour! What a freakin’ idiot! I watched my hard earned savings dwindle to nothing every time my car payment was due. I don't know why I would even feel bad asking him for money. Perhaps it was the fact that he should have been providing for me?! Afterall I did change MY WHOLE LIFE to move to NY to be with him.

Well, I was smart enough to move out(kind of late) but not smart enough to dump him right away. I let him and his crap continue for many more months. ACTUALLY, I let him continue to harass me for another 6 months after we broke up; He called/text/e-mailed/etc. WTF?! He even went as far as to call me from the Dominican Republic; he was on OUR vacation with a “friend.” Anyway, I consider it my fault; wasting 3 years and all. The lesson learned (because there is always one): Don’t settle…find real love with a provider!! Aaaaah :P

My So Called "Dad" Part II

Well, I still have my stomach ache...and WTF to these crazy MySpace messages:


Date: Apr 5, 2009 8:45 PM
Subject: re: getting in touch with me

I don't know why you haven't responed to me. After all I am your father. Love you and try to get in touch with me, not all my fault.



*Perhaps I should follow Aunt N's advice and tell him why I'm unhappy with his actions...Wow, that sounds so grown up (He sure isnt... after all, he is contacting me on MySpace!) What I really want to say (but i'll try not to) is F youuuuuuu!!!!!!


PS: IT IS ALL his fault. Child support costs alot when you're trying to afford beer. :) And I seriously dobut the "Love you" part...hmmmm