You know you're getting old when the "older" guys you used to date are turning 30. Even worse yet: The MUCH "older" guys you dated are married with kids! What is up with TIME? Life really seems to be flying by. Is it quantum physics or is it just me? All I know is that time has changed me. I'm tired by 10pm, I'm always cold (sort of like your grandma,) and I'd rather stay in on Friday night instead of bar hopping. It seems like every week I find myself saying "OMG how is it Thursday already?!?" How the HELL do you slow down time?!?!?
Even with the ridiculously fast passing of time I have learned something. It doesn't really matter how smart you are, you're still an idiot! On paper I look decently smart. When I speak? Yep, still looking smart. Yet, I make the same mistakes 38383838 times. So does that make me only book smart? Eh, I don't think so. No common sense? Nah, I'm pretty sure I have some of that! So, this is what I think: Every time I'm about to make a really bad decision I say to myself "well, you only live once!" So, perhaps this isn't the best motto (It doesn't get me anywhere.) I mostly regret making the decisions that I've spent time fretting over. There might be something seriously wrong with me! Well, either way...there's always next year to screw up! ;) BYE!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Table For One Please
So, here comes my 26Th year on earth and my life...well, it isn't exactly how I pictured it. I imagined by 2010 that I'd have a career, a man and perhaps a two bedroom condo. Well, I have none of those. I do however, have rent that I really can't afford, a wedding that never was and zero job prospects as far as I can see. Life is looking really great these days!!!
Most people will give me their stupid words of wisdom such as "It could be worse," "be grateful for what you have" and my favorite "This is the best time in your life." First of all, I can probably say that you were 25 in 1980....correct? OK, so you really don't know what it's like being 25 in 2009 and this isn't the best time in my freakin' life!!!
It was just under a month ago, that I was starting to feel somewhat secure. Having someone to spend my time with, split my worries with and simply someone to always talk to seemed normal. Now it's just me and my kitties. Crazy cat lady here I come? Eh.. I don't know!
I worry about the future even though I should just take it one day at a time. I worry about health insurance, car payments and recently, finding the one. It almost seems odd that I could be tricked into thinking that I had found the one. A year ago I was fine with dating 2, even 3 guys at at time. Sure, finding the one was always in the back of my mind but it just didn't seem as important as having a good time. Oh how time has changed me.
I'm different and maybe, just maybe I'm not much of a loner anymore. Living alone sure is interesting. Cooking for yourself is about as fun as jumping out the window and the people on level 2 are crackheads. I'm investing in a SHARP shanking tool to use in the 3am crack-fight that is sure to occur! Perhaps I will start eating less or get a hobby or better yet a second job! Happy depression everyone!
Most people will give me their stupid words of wisdom such as "It could be worse," "be grateful for what you have" and my favorite "This is the best time in your life." First of all, I can probably say that you were 25 in 1980....correct? OK, so you really don't know what it's like being 25 in 2009 and this isn't the best time in my freakin' life!!!
It was just under a month ago, that I was starting to feel somewhat secure. Having someone to spend my time with, split my worries with and simply someone to always talk to seemed normal. Now it's just me and my kitties. Crazy cat lady here I come? Eh.. I don't know!
I worry about the future even though I should just take it one day at a time. I worry about health insurance, car payments and recently, finding the one. It almost seems odd that I could be tricked into thinking that I had found the one. A year ago I was fine with dating 2, even 3 guys at at time. Sure, finding the one was always in the back of my mind but it just didn't seem as important as having a good time. Oh how time has changed me.
I'm different and maybe, just maybe I'm not much of a loner anymore. Living alone sure is interesting. Cooking for yourself is about as fun as jumping out the window and the people on level 2 are crackheads. I'm investing in a SHARP shanking tool to use in the 3am crack-fight that is sure to occur! Perhaps I will start eating less or get a hobby or better yet a second job! Happy depression everyone!
Friday, October 30, 2009
I'm Cop Hatin' and You Can't Stop Me
While sitting at a red light yesterday, a ridiculously unattractive cop pulls me over. He gets out of his car and starts examining mine. So when he asks me "do you know why I stopped you?", I reply "uh, no", slightly confused. I'm thinking "oh crap I probably have a tail light out or something silly," after all he was checking out my car for a good 30 seconds! I give him my paperwork plus a PBA card (thanks JC!) and he proceeds to his car. 25 terribly exhausting minutes later he hands me a speeding ticket and says "Here you go, you didn't seem too concerned about getting one." I just can't let this one go so, I say "excuse meeeee, what the F is the point of a PBA card?" "Well, I gave you the PBA card back instead," says the nerdy cop. He starts walking to his car as I yell "I didn't didn't want the damn card back!!!"
Sigh. Here is where I tell you this: I have spent the last 8 years abiding all traffic laws and above all else, loving cops! But this love of mine ends here. I will no longer check out cops, text JLE about them or blog about hot cop interactions. They are dead to me! Since when do cute Chic's not get out of tickets? This marks my first ticket and the first time I have ever needed to use a PBA card! Now, I am forced to wonder why PBA cards don't work for me? Is it because I am not cute? Nah, that sure isn't it! ;) Perhaps it is because I am sick right now and just kind of cranky? who knows! I am not lying when I say I have at least 10 PBA cards wasting space at home. I don't freakin' speed! In fact, 383838 people have mocked my lack of speed while cruising on the parkway.
I laugh at this $85 dollar speeding ticket. I'd rather pay all the court fees in the world then plead guilty. See ya in court Officer Fattie!
PS. Military guys and Firefighters: You're still hot in my book!
Sigh. Here is where I tell you this: I have spent the last 8 years abiding all traffic laws and above all else, loving cops! But this love of mine ends here. I will no longer check out cops, text JLE about them or blog about hot cop interactions. They are dead to me! Since when do cute Chic's not get out of tickets? This marks my first ticket and the first time I have ever needed to use a PBA card! Now, I am forced to wonder why PBA cards don't work for me? Is it because I am not cute? Nah, that sure isn't it! ;) Perhaps it is because I am sick right now and just kind of cranky? who knows! I am not lying when I say I have at least 10 PBA cards wasting space at home. I don't freakin' speed! In fact, 383838 people have mocked my lack of speed while cruising on the parkway.
I laugh at this $85 dollar speeding ticket. I'd rather pay all the court fees in the world then plead guilty. See ya in court Officer Fattie!
PS. Military guys and Firefighters: You're still hot in my book!
Monday, August 31, 2009
"Hair" We GO Again
For the last few days I've been calling the boyfriend "Scruffy McScrufferson" because his facial hair was getting a little out of control! I told him he had a 4:15 shadow because the poor kid had a seriously spotty lookin' "beard." As luck would have it, his boss told him to clean up because "his beard is longer then his hair" (he recently shaved his head.) Which brings me to my point: If guys get heat at work for facial hair would chic's get it for leg hair too? I mean there has been a fews instances where I sure as hell should have shaven them or at least worn pants. I can admit I wasn't lookin' so hot but with all the things us chics have to shave...sometimes I need a freakin' break! Anywho, it's a double standard for me. I will nag/complain/B*itch about his facial hair until he shaves it but that won't work for my legs! It's every 3-3 1/2 days for me. Happy hair!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Goodbye Swimmers
I don't really get that whole tight jeans/bum hanging out style! First of all, why not just buy longer jeans? Afterall, guys do get select-a-length when they purchanse pants (chic's only get to choose from 3!) Second of all, perhaps these tight-jean wearing freaks could buy more fashinable undies? Why do I always see granny-white boxers? Which brings me to my third point: Why not wear briefs? Briefs could save these boys from the infamous "bubble-bum" caused by boxers that ride up. My last point is that guys legs are way toooo skinny and tight jeans just worsens the situation. I don't even know if non-stick-like legs would work in tight jeans (I think they'd prob get stuck in them!) However, there really arent that many guys with nice legs except of course my future husband, who has not only lovely legs, but they arent hairy either (plus he is just so damn cute!) In short, this style is just soooo not hot. Cover your bony non-existant bum; no one wants to see it!
PS. I'm really starting to wonder if all that tightness around the front is even that great for all those swimmers! Sounds like a low-sperm-count future if you ask me!
PPS. If my BF wore the same size/style pants as me...I'd be concerned! Watch out!
PS. I'm really starting to wonder if all that tightness around the front is even that great for all those swimmers! Sounds like a low-sperm-count future if you ask me!
PPS. If my BF wore the same size/style pants as me...I'd be concerned! Watch out!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Bug Bites: My Only Souvenir
There are A LOT of freakin' bugs in Key Largo. Need proof? Well, I'm not going to show you my poor bum which is stricken by 328383 mosquito bites. BUT I will tell you this: I have, in total, 38 bug bites (Yes, I stripped down and counted them!) I spent countless hours of my vacation scratching myself until I could no longer feel the horrific itch. During the day you could easily find me applying various remedies such as cortizone creme, rubbing alcohol and ice(all of which didn't help, by the way.)I was also popping allergy medicine like it was crack. One night I woke up to scratch my leg and almost started to cry when I couldn't get the pills out of the damn blister pack! After a day or two I realized those shitty med's weren't working and I accepted my reality; A REALLY ITCHY life.
Anyway, the condo we were staying in made me chuckle because the bedspread was from 1982 (I'm positive about this.)Immediately I decided that we were no longer going to use the elevator because that too was from 1982 and I sure as hell was not getting stuck in there! It seemed like a good choice at first until I got to the 4th floor; All sweaty and gasping for air. Either way we made the journey up and down four flights of stairs 5-6 times a day. I feel good about it now; perhaps it makes up for the 3383838 beers I drank?
On the second morning there I also decided that Dave and I are NEVER getting a king size bed. I woke up lonely, cold and on the opposite side of the bed. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED to spooning Taylor?!? I told Dave that king size beds are for 3 people and we are 2 so, It's not happening! Not to mention the fact that when I woke up to the loudest thunder EVER, Dave was like 6 miles away. I was scared and he was snoring. Now, I could say this is because Dave is a heavy sleeper but nah, I'm going with the fact that it's a king size! Speaking of weather, it rained EVERY day and I'm not talking about drizzle. It was heavy downpours for at least a part of 7 days straight. One afternoon is rained so hard, I became nervous. The wind was blowing shit everywhere and I thought for sure death was coming. The hell-like storm passed but I really don't think islands are cool during hurricane season!
I had some really crazy hair there. Dave said he liked the "wild" look but I didn't. On day 6 I finally quit the curly look and succumbed to my straighter. I felt human again! Sorry Dave!
We made pancakes almost everyday (I really love them.) Some days I made bacon with them. On day 5 Dave realized that I was feeding him turkey bacon and called me deceitful! LOL He also said I'm on a health kick because I feed him whole grain pancakes, turkey bacon and wheat croutons. He can think what he wants; I just enjoy the healthy stuff!
We went on a few long bike rides while we were there. We must have been freakin' nutty to be riding 10 miles in the Florida sun. After a mile we were both soaked and I was pretty cranky! We did manage to stop at the adult boutique. I kind of felt like a 15 year old riding my bike to a porn store! LOL
One day we took a road trip to Key West. It took like 38383 years to get there. The scenery was interesting to say the least. The medians in the Keys are sky blue which was pretty. I didn't quite understand the
slow down...deer habitat ahead" sign. How are there only deer in one little spot of the Keys? And I said to Dave: "I wonder if deer are happy here...They must eat fish...they live on the beach!" We both laughed at that because he said they like to eat grass in NJ. Any who, There are like 38383 Keys and may favorite is called the "No Name Key;" How god damn original! The whole way to Key West I kept kicking myself for not bringing my bathing suit; there were 373737 teal-blue,swimming spots and it was 95 degrees! I decided to buy a new bikini while in Key West. To my surprise I found a swimsuit store that was having a "going out of business" sale. I tried on 3838388 bikini's but only one fit my el largo bum. I ended up having to buy a large bottom! How horrible but at least I had to get a large top too! Wooohoo, I guess I have the boobs to match! The suit was adorable, fit perfectly and I thought for sure it had to be cheap; Signs said 75% off! I almost crapped my pants when the register said $72! What a freakin' scam that store was! I ended up buying it because I HAD TO HAVE IT! After all, It was on the cover of Sports Illustrated!
On the way back, after some Key Lime Pie, we stopped for swimming. I couldn't wait to get in the crystal clear water (It was just so damn hot in FL!) To our surprise, the ocean was like a hot tub; So hot that it felt like your skin was peeling off! We went at least a mile out into the shallow water and turned back; I was just sweaty and getting nervous with all the crabs floating around! I kept thinking that there sure are a lot of Cubans in the Keys...I guess it's just a short 90 mile swim in shark infested, hot tub water! Wow, What a waste of time that "swim" was! I decided to lose my bottoms before we got in the car because they were wet. I've never gone commando with a skirt on before and I don't recommend it! As I got out of the car I must have flashed 7 random people. I really feel for Britney spears now!
One day we went snorkeling on a huge fishing boat. I was glad I didn't get seasick like I usually do. I did however get horrible blisters from the fins. I had to quit before I ever got to see underwater Jesus (Bloody feet aren't so great for keeping away sharks!) I don't know if I really enjoy snorkeling that much. However, the best part came on the way back when we saw a dolphin jumping next to the boat! sooo cute!
In short, I'd definitely wear bug spray next time and perhaps ask one of those Cubans for a "Cuban" sandwich! hahahah
Ok, BYE!
Anyway, the condo we were staying in made me chuckle because the bedspread was from 1982 (I'm positive about this.)Immediately I decided that we were no longer going to use the elevator because that too was from 1982 and I sure as hell was not getting stuck in there! It seemed like a good choice at first until I got to the 4th floor; All sweaty and gasping for air. Either way we made the journey up and down four flights of stairs 5-6 times a day. I feel good about it now; perhaps it makes up for the 3383838 beers I drank?
On the second morning there I also decided that Dave and I are NEVER getting a king size bed. I woke up lonely, cold and on the opposite side of the bed. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED to spooning Taylor?!? I told Dave that king size beds are for 3 people and we are 2 so, It's not happening! Not to mention the fact that when I woke up to the loudest thunder EVER, Dave was like 6 miles away. I was scared and he was snoring. Now, I could say this is because Dave is a heavy sleeper but nah, I'm going with the fact that it's a king size! Speaking of weather, it rained EVERY day and I'm not talking about drizzle. It was heavy downpours for at least a part of 7 days straight. One afternoon is rained so hard, I became nervous. The wind was blowing shit everywhere and I thought for sure death was coming. The hell-like storm passed but I really don't think islands are cool during hurricane season!
I had some really crazy hair there. Dave said he liked the "wild" look but I didn't. On day 6 I finally quit the curly look and succumbed to my straighter. I felt human again! Sorry Dave!
We made pancakes almost everyday (I really love them.) Some days I made bacon with them. On day 5 Dave realized that I was feeding him turkey bacon and called me deceitful! LOL He also said I'm on a health kick because I feed him whole grain pancakes, turkey bacon and wheat croutons. He can think what he wants; I just enjoy the healthy stuff!
We went on a few long bike rides while we were there. We must have been freakin' nutty to be riding 10 miles in the Florida sun. After a mile we were both soaked and I was pretty cranky! We did manage to stop at the adult boutique. I kind of felt like a 15 year old riding my bike to a porn store! LOL
One day we took a road trip to Key West. It took like 38383 years to get there. The scenery was interesting to say the least. The medians in the Keys are sky blue which was pretty. I didn't quite understand the
slow down...deer habitat ahead" sign. How are there only deer in one little spot of the Keys? And I said to Dave: "I wonder if deer are happy here...They must eat fish...they live on the beach!" We both laughed at that because he said they like to eat grass in NJ. Any who, There are like 38383 Keys and may favorite is called the "No Name Key;" How god damn original! The whole way to Key West I kept kicking myself for not bringing my bathing suit; there were 373737 teal-blue,swimming spots and it was 95 degrees! I decided to buy a new bikini while in Key West. To my surprise I found a swimsuit store that was having a "going out of business" sale. I tried on 3838388 bikini's but only one fit my el largo bum. I ended up having to buy a large bottom! How horrible but at least I had to get a large top too! Wooohoo, I guess I have the boobs to match! The suit was adorable, fit perfectly and I thought for sure it had to be cheap; Signs said 75% off! I almost crapped my pants when the register said $72! What a freakin' scam that store was! I ended up buying it because I HAD TO HAVE IT! After all, It was on the cover of Sports Illustrated!
On the way back, after some Key Lime Pie, we stopped for swimming. I couldn't wait to get in the crystal clear water (It was just so damn hot in FL!) To our surprise, the ocean was like a hot tub; So hot that it felt like your skin was peeling off! We went at least a mile out into the shallow water and turned back; I was just sweaty and getting nervous with all the crabs floating around! I kept thinking that there sure are a lot of Cubans in the Keys...I guess it's just a short 90 mile swim in shark infested, hot tub water! Wow, What a waste of time that "swim" was! I decided to lose my bottoms before we got in the car because they were wet. I've never gone commando with a skirt on before and I don't recommend it! As I got out of the car I must have flashed 7 random people. I really feel for Britney spears now!
One day we went snorkeling on a huge fishing boat. I was glad I didn't get seasick like I usually do. I did however get horrible blisters from the fins. I had to quit before I ever got to see underwater Jesus (Bloody feet aren't so great for keeping away sharks!) I don't know if I really enjoy snorkeling that much. However, the best part came on the way back when we saw a dolphin jumping next to the boat! sooo cute!
In short, I'd definitely wear bug spray next time and perhaps ask one of those Cubans for a "Cuban" sandwich! hahahah
Ok, BYE!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Don't Punch Me Bro!
I don't know what the hell it is but I sure am angry today. It all started with job searching via craigslist. After 3 miserable hours I started feeling shitty and got the "I suck/I can't do anything/what a loser" attitude. So, then I decided that shopping was the option. Only I forgot to go to the bathroom first (I have the smallest bladder in the world.)As it turns out, trying on clothes isn't that fun when you feel like you're going to pee your freakin' pants! Finally, I get to the register with a bunch of shit I don't even need or even really want. The Cashier was a total idiot. She took forever, couldn't remember what she had rung up and the best part was the fact that she was the manager! There I am trying to hold my pee in and I am seriously considering stabbing her in the eye. Now, I realize I may have a few anger issues( thank god I don't carry a knife)but luckily in the end I walked away saying "wow, you aren't very friendly." I'm sure my comment ruined her life. Well, Maybe I should invest in a punching bag... I just feel so angry!
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