Monday, August 22, 2011

ME: A Smarter, More Attractive Antoine Dodson

I find it very difficult to control my extreme anger issues when I see kids begging for money outside of grocery stores. In fact, now they’re soliciting funds at convenience stores, post offices and pharmacies too. Is there no end to this absurd money making (aka stealing) practice? I totally get the fact that partaking in sports can get expensive. I can still remember my days of new cleats and fruit punch Gatorade. It was just a short 9 years ago that I too, needed money for sports. However, my teammates and I did not plead poverty outside the local Walgreens. Have these lazy shits never heard of bake sales or car washes? Even a Chinese auction will do the trick! I have participated in more weekend car washes then I’d like to admit. I have even sold frozen pizza kits to raise money for new uniforms. Do you think I enjoyed spending my weekends delivering 338383 frozen pizzas across half the state? It was annoying but at least it was a reasonable and upstanding way to make money for my team. I’m all for donating money to sports teams but shit, can’t you work A LITTLE for it? How hard is it to slap together brownies from a box? The mix only costs about a buck and you can sell each brownie for a buck. I’m no financial planner but that sure seems profitable and freakin’ easy. If I saw some kid selling baked goods whether it was for sports or just for fun, I’d throw him even more cash than he was asking for. One particularly cold day, I was flagged down by some 8th graders for a car wash in THE RAIN. Now, who the HELL gets their car washed in THE RAIN? Not me, but I sure as hell did that day. Those were some honorable kids making money the right way. All these lazy fucktards are going to be lazy fucktards when they grow up. Great job coaches and parents of beggar kids, you’re really doing a great job with the next generation! Soon enough we’ll have 35 yr old soccer players outside of WAWA. HIDE YO CHANGE, Homeboy!

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