Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Decision Smcision..I Don't Care!

You know you're getting old when the "older" guys you used to date are turning 30. Even worse yet: The MUCH "older" guys you dated are married with kids! What is up with TIME? Life really seems to be flying by. Is it quantum physics or is it just me? All I know is that time has changed me. I'm tired by 10pm, I'm always cold (sort of like your grandma,) and I'd rather stay in on Friday night instead of bar hopping. It seems like every week I find myself saying "OMG how is it Thursday already?!?" How the HELL do you slow down time?!?!?

Even with the ridiculously fast passing of time I have learned something. It doesn't really matter how smart you are, you're still an idiot! On paper I look decently smart. When I speak? Yep, still looking smart. Yet, I make the same mistakes 38383838 times. So does that make me only book smart? Eh, I don't think so. No common sense? Nah, I'm pretty sure I have some of that! So, this is what I think: Every time I'm about to make a really bad decision I say to myself "well, you only live once!" So, perhaps this isn't the best motto (It doesn't get me anywhere.) I mostly regret making the decisions that I've spent time fretting over. There might be something seriously wrong with me! Well, either way...there's always next year to screw up! ;) BYE!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Table For One Please

So, here comes my 26Th year on earth and my life...well, it isn't exactly how I pictured it. I imagined by 2010 that I'd have a career, a man and perhaps a two bedroom condo. Well, I have none of those. I do however, have rent that I really can't afford, a wedding that never was and zero job prospects as far as I can see. Life is looking really great these days!!!

Most people will give me their stupid words of wisdom such as "It could be worse," "be grateful for what you have" and my favorite "This is the best time in your life." First of all, I can probably say that you were 25 in 1980....correct? OK, so you really don't know what it's like being 25 in 2009 and this isn't the best time in my freakin' life!!!

It was just under a month ago, that I was starting to feel somewhat secure. Having someone to spend my time with, split my worries with and simply someone to always talk to seemed normal. Now it's just me and my kitties. Crazy cat lady here I come? Eh.. I don't know!

I worry about the future even though I should just take it one day at a time. I worry about health insurance, car payments and recently, finding the one. It almost seems odd that I could be tricked into thinking that I had found the one. A year ago I was fine with dating 2, even 3 guys at at time. Sure, finding the one was always in the back of my mind but it just didn't seem as important as having a good time. Oh how time has changed me.

I'm different and maybe, just maybe I'm not much of a loner anymore. Living alone sure is interesting. Cooking for yourself is about as fun as jumping out the window and the people on level 2 are crackheads. I'm investing in a SHARP shanking tool to use in the 3am crack-fight that is sure to occur! Perhaps I will start eating less or get a hobby or better yet a second job! Happy depression everyone!

Friday, October 30, 2009

I'm Cop Hatin' and You Can't Stop Me

While sitting at a red light yesterday, a ridiculously unattractive cop pulls me over. He gets out of his car and starts examining mine. So when he asks me "do you know why I stopped you?", I reply "uh, no", slightly confused. I'm thinking "oh crap I probably have a tail light out or something silly," after all he was checking out my car for a good 30 seconds! I give him my paperwork plus a PBA card (thanks JC!) and he proceeds to his car. 25 terribly exhausting minutes later he hands me a speeding ticket and says "Here you go, you didn't seem too concerned about getting one." I just can't let this one go so, I say "excuse meeeee, what the F is the point of a PBA card?" "Well, I gave you the PBA card back instead," says the nerdy cop. He starts walking to his car as I yell "I didn't didn't want the damn card back!!!"

Sigh. Here is where I tell you this: I have spent the last 8 years abiding all traffic laws and above all else, loving cops! But this love of mine ends here. I will no longer check out cops, text JLE about them or blog about hot cop interactions. They are dead to me! Since when do cute Chic's not get out of tickets? This marks my first ticket and the first time I have ever needed to use a PBA card! Now, I am forced to wonder why PBA cards don't work for me? Is it because I am not cute? Nah, that sure isn't it! ;) Perhaps it is because I am sick right now and just kind of cranky? who knows! I am not lying when I say I have at least 10 PBA cards wasting space at home. I don't freakin' speed! In fact, 383838 people have mocked my lack of speed while cruising on the parkway.

I laugh at this $85 dollar speeding ticket. I'd rather pay all the court fees in the world then plead guilty. See ya in court Officer Fattie!

PS. Military guys and Firefighters: You're still hot in my book!

Monday, August 31, 2009

"Hair" We GO Again

For the last few days I've been calling the boyfriend "Scruffy McScrufferson" because his facial hair was getting a little out of control! I told him he had a 4:15 shadow because the poor kid had a seriously spotty lookin' "beard." As luck would have it, his boss told him to clean up because "his beard is longer then his hair" (he recently shaved his head.) Which brings me to my point: If guys get heat at work for facial hair would chic's get it for leg hair too? I mean there has been a fews instances where I sure as hell should have shaven them or at least worn pants. I can admit I wasn't lookin' so hot but with all the things us chics have to shave...sometimes I need a freakin' break! Anywho, it's a double standard for me. I will nag/complain/B*itch about his facial hair until he shaves it but that won't work for my legs! It's every 3-3 1/2 days for me. Happy hair!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Goodbye Swimmers

I don't really get that whole tight jeans/bum hanging out style! First of all, why not just buy longer jeans? Afterall, guys do get select-a-length when they purchanse pants (chic's only get to choose from 3!) Second of all, perhaps these tight-jean wearing freaks could buy more fashinable undies? Why do I always see granny-white boxers? Which brings me to my third point: Why not wear briefs? Briefs could save these boys from the infamous "bubble-bum" caused by boxers that ride up. My last point is that guys legs are way toooo skinny and tight jeans just worsens the situation. I don't even know if non-stick-like legs would work in tight jeans (I think they'd prob get stuck in them!) However, there really arent that many guys with nice legs except of course my future husband, who has not only lovely legs, but they arent hairy either (plus he is just so damn cute!) In short, this style is just soooo not hot. Cover your bony non-existant bum; no one wants to see it!

PS. I'm really starting to wonder if all that tightness around the front is even that great for all those swimmers! Sounds like a low-sperm-count future if you ask me!

PPS. If my BF wore the same size/style pants as me...I'd be concerned! Watch out!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Bug Bites: My Only Souvenir

There are A LOT of freakin' bugs in Key Largo. Need proof? Well, I'm not going to show you my poor bum which is stricken by 328383 mosquito bites. BUT I will tell you this: I have, in total, 38 bug bites (Yes, I stripped down and counted them!) I spent countless hours of my vacation scratching myself until I could no longer feel the horrific itch. During the day you could easily find me applying various remedies such as cortizone creme, rubbing alcohol and ice(all of which didn't help, by the way.)I was also popping allergy medicine like it was crack. One night I woke up to scratch my leg and almost started to cry when I couldn't get the pills out of the damn blister pack! After a day or two I realized those shitty med's weren't working and I accepted my reality; A REALLY ITCHY life.

Anyway, the condo we were staying in made me chuckle because the bedspread was from 1982 (I'm positive about this.)Immediately I decided that we were no longer going to use the elevator because that too was from 1982 and I sure as hell was not getting stuck in there! It seemed like a good choice at first until I got to the 4th floor; All sweaty and gasping for air. Either way we made the journey up and down four flights of stairs 5-6 times a day. I feel good about it now; perhaps it makes up for the 3383838 beers I drank?

On the second morning there I also decided that Dave and I are NEVER getting a king size bed. I woke up lonely, cold and on the opposite side of the bed. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED to spooning Taylor?!? I told Dave that king size beds are for 3 people and we are 2 so, It's not happening! Not to mention the fact that when I woke up to the loudest thunder EVER, Dave was like 6 miles away. I was scared and he was snoring. Now, I could say this is because Dave is a heavy sleeper but nah, I'm going with the fact that it's a king size! Speaking of weather, it rained EVERY day and I'm not talking about drizzle. It was heavy downpours for at least a part of 7 days straight. One afternoon is rained so hard, I became nervous. The wind was blowing shit everywhere and I thought for sure death was coming. The hell-like storm passed but I really don't think islands are cool during hurricane season!

I had some really crazy hair there. Dave said he liked the "wild" look but I didn't. On day 6 I finally quit the curly look and succumbed to my straighter. I felt human again! Sorry Dave!

We made pancakes almost everyday (I really love them.) Some days I made bacon with them. On day 5 Dave realized that I was feeding him turkey bacon and called me deceitful! LOL He also said I'm on a health kick because I feed him whole grain pancakes, turkey bacon and wheat croutons. He can think what he wants; I just enjoy the healthy stuff!

We went on a few long bike rides while we were there. We must have been freakin' nutty to be riding 10 miles in the Florida sun. After a mile we were both soaked and I was pretty cranky! We did manage to stop at the adult boutique. I kind of felt like a 15 year old riding my bike to a porn store! LOL

One day we took a road trip to Key West. It took like 38383 years to get there. The scenery was interesting to say the least. The medians in the Keys are sky blue which was pretty. I didn't quite understand the
slow down...deer habitat ahead" sign. How are there only deer in one little spot of the Keys? And I said to Dave: "I wonder if deer are happy here...They must eat fish...they live on the beach!" We both laughed at that because he said they like to eat grass in NJ. Any who, There are like 38383 Keys and may favorite is called the "No Name Key;" How god damn original! The whole way to Key West I kept kicking myself for not bringing my bathing suit; there were 373737 teal-blue,swimming spots and it was 95 degrees! I decided to buy a new bikini while in Key West. To my surprise I found a swimsuit store that was having a "going out of business" sale. I tried on 3838388 bikini's but only one fit my el largo bum. I ended up having to buy a large bottom! How horrible but at least I had to get a large top too! Wooohoo, I guess I have the boobs to match! The suit was adorable, fit perfectly and I thought for sure it had to be cheap; Signs said 75% off! I almost crapped my pants when the register said $72! What a freakin' scam that store was! I ended up buying it because I HAD TO HAVE IT! After all, It was on the cover of Sports Illustrated!

On the way back, after some Key Lime Pie, we stopped for swimming. I couldn't wait to get in the crystal clear water (It was just so damn hot in FL!) To our surprise, the ocean was like a hot tub; So hot that it felt like your skin was peeling off! We went at least a mile out into the shallow water and turned back; I was just sweaty and getting nervous with all the crabs floating around! I kept thinking that there sure are a lot of Cubans in the Keys...I guess it's just a short 90 mile swim in shark infested, hot tub water! Wow, What a waste of time that "swim" was! I decided to lose my bottoms before we got in the car because they were wet. I've never gone commando with a skirt on before and I don't recommend it! As I got out of the car I must have flashed 7 random people. I really feel for Britney spears now!

One day we went snorkeling on a huge fishing boat. I was glad I didn't get seasick like I usually do. I did however get horrible blisters from the fins. I had to quit before I ever got to see underwater Jesus (Bloody feet aren't so great for keeping away sharks!) I don't know if I really enjoy snorkeling that much. However, the best part came on the way back when we saw a dolphin jumping next to the boat! sooo cute!

In short, I'd definitely wear bug spray next time and perhaps ask one of those Cubans for a "Cuban" sandwich! hahahah

Ok, BYE!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Don't Punch Me Bro!

I don't know what the hell it is but I sure am angry today. It all started with job searching via craigslist. After 3 miserable hours I started feeling shitty and got the "I suck/I can't do anything/what a loser" attitude. So, then I decided that shopping was the option. Only I forgot to go to the bathroom first (I have the smallest bladder in the world.)As it turns out, trying on clothes isn't that fun when you feel like you're going to pee your freakin' pants! Finally, I get to the register with a bunch of shit I don't even need or even really want. The Cashier was a total idiot. She took forever, couldn't remember what she had rung up and the best part was the fact that she was the manager! There I am trying to hold my pee in and I am seriously considering stabbing her in the eye. Now, I realize I may have a few anger issues( thank god I don't carry a knife)but luckily in the end I walked away saying "wow, you aren't very friendly." I'm sure my comment ruined her life. Well, Maybe I should invest in a punching bag... I just feel so angry!

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Declining Economy: Is Any One Recession-Proof?

My award winning recession story... I wrote this for school and the press of AC! :P

You finally have the American dream: A family, a good job and a house. You think you’re safe from the recession. Well, think again. What appears to be secure today could be gone tomorrow. The working middle class is only one group out of many that has become impaired because of our turbulent economy. Many senior citizens, singles, recently divorced people and even business owners are now hitting rough patches in their lives. These are the people you’d never expect to be in a needy situation. For the first time in their lives, many of these individuals are asking for help.

“Recently, I met a construction worker who couldn’t find work” says Ann Hartmann, president of the Tuckerton Area Inner Church Food Pantry, “He was a strapping guy...I never would have thought someone like him would need help.” Conversely, these are just the type of people Hartmann now sees on a regular basis.

“I’m the jack of all trades” says Hartmann, who has worked at the Pantry for over fifteen years. Hartmann runs the daily operations of the Pantry and organizes the volunteers. The pantry began in a local garage and now helps people from Eagleswood to New Gretna. Today, a tiny blue shed next the Little Egg Harbor recreation center is the home base for the pantry. “Space is troublesome in all food pantries…there’s just not enough of it,” says Hartmann. For much needed space, the pantry utilizes storage at a local churches and the VFW.

The pantry, which represents ten local churches, is open to anyone needing assistance. Volunteers screen applicants but don’t have the resources or time for background checks; they simply hope people are honest. The pantry is only open for ten hours a week but helps nearly 300 families a month. “The amount of people in need has been escalating in the past few months,” says Hartmann “One day recently we had twenty-four families come in.” Hartmann says that the rise in needy people is definitely due to the declining economy. According to The State of New Jersey’s website, unemployment rates are on the rise. In September, 6% of New Jersey’s population was unemployed. CNN Money.com puts New Jersey at the top of its Unemployment by State list.

Although, money is short for many people, kindness is not. The pantry has an abundance of volunteers. Over fifty people volunteer their time to make boxes for needy families. These boxes, which families receive twice a month, include staples like, bread, milk and chicken. There is no shortage of food on the shelves (and floors) of the pantry either. Thanks to food drives and generous donations by local residents, the pantry has more than enough food right now.

Why do so many people need assistance? US Attorney Legal Services states that foreclosure rates across the county have gone up 97% in the past year and New Jersey’s situation only continues to get worse. Currentforeclosures.com shows NJ as having 650 foreclosures since August; 310 in November alone. More and more families are losing their homes. Many can no longer afford their mortgage payment and selling their home may not even be an option anymore. Home values have dropped drastically nationwide. Many people can’t sell their house because they owe more on their loans then they could potentially profit from the sale. By 2009 The Housing and Community Development Network of New Jersey predicts that 1 in 5 loan mortgages in New Jersey will be in default. With such shocking statistics, it is no surprise that so many people are homeless.

Kathy Schmookler, Volunteer coordinator and development assistant at the Atlantic City Rescue Mission, sees hundreds of homeless people daily. The rescue mission’s goal is to prevent homelessness but that’s not always possible. Homelesstales.com says that there are over 5,000 homeless people in the Atlantic City area alone. With the great amount of needy people in the area, the rescue mission faces an uphill battle daily.

Schmookler, who has worked in rescue missions for over thirty years, says “The economy has caused a swell in new clients.” Schmookler says that foreclosures, sudden losses of job, medical emergencies and other temporary issues have caused the additional need for assistance. “The working class is in need more than ever,” says Schmookler. Not only does the rescue mission provide shelter for the homeless but also supplies food baskets to needy families, work programs for the unemployed, addiction treatment, medical treatment and much more. “We’re like bookends…everything from homeless prevention to assisting people to they’re able to get their lives back to normal;” says schmookler “we’re holding their hands every step of the way.

“The biggest myth for us is that we’re just a soup kitchen,” says Schmookler “we do so much more than that.” The rescue mission has hundreds of volunteers and rarely has the need to recruit volunteers. “People realize there’s more demand [on the rescue mission] and come forward to help” says Schmookler. Although the rescue mission has an abundance of volunteers, they are still struggling for donations. Since the decline of the economy, the rescue mission has not been receiving the same amount of grants. Many of the foundations, who once gave thousands to the rescue mission, can no longer afford to donate at all. The working class, who has always donated food and money to rescue mission, can’t anymore because of their own financial hardships.

The economy is affecting everyone. Small business owners are feeling the strain of the recession as well. Common Folk Art owner Pam Valentine has been struggling to stay afloat since opening her store in 2006. “This year all around seems worse for my t-shirt business,” says Valentine in regards to declining sales. Custom t-shirts are a great novelty item yet her business is still in jeopardy. “When people are forced to scrimp just to pay bills…there is no room for impulse purchases’” says Valentine “Businesses like mine are suffering.” According to gaebler.com, half of all small businesses fail within four years. Valentine has been doing free-lance artwork, developing new ideas and desperately trying to expand her business through the internet to avoid closing her store.

Novelty stores like Common Folk Art aren’t the only businesses that are suffering. Casual eateries seem to be in jeopardy as well. “People who might in the past have gone out to eat twice a week are now staying at home for meals” says Valentine. She worries that all the independent restaurants, that are now vulnerable, will be bought up by large chains during the recession. She says that eventually this will also apply to large chain retailers that drive mom & pop stores out. “In the end, we all suffer from decreases in service, quality and variety” says Valentine.

Are any of us really recession-proof? It doesn’t seem like it anymore. Foreclosure, unemployment, financial hardship and homelessness can happen to anyone.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I'm No Gold Digger...That's For Sure!

This rainy hump day really got me thinking about the past; specifically CSL. I’m glad that a year had passed and my ridiculous feelings have left the building known as my head! However, I’m still kind of angry. I’m sure I'll eventually forget, as I do most things but forgive? Nah, that ain’t happening! It’s nearly impossible to forget my time in NY. I can’t remember any good times. I can’t even remember any good times after I moved out! He conned me into thinking he was in love with me but that wasn’t the case!

He was so moody and not only was he shitty to me but to his mom as well. AND the worst part was that she was always so nice to him. The worst thing she ever did was ask him where he was going! That reminds me of the time when I came home at 9:30pm after 12 hours of work and school and he wasn’t home. I started getting worried. He was always home at that time. He wasn’t answering his phone and then he comes home like nothing was wrong. I asked him to just leave me a simple note saying where he was going and he flipped out; saying I’m controlling! Who knew caring was also known as controlling bitch!? Anyway, I’m the least jealous/nosy person ever! I never once looked at his phone or even thought he was cheating! This is precisely why he got away with cheating! I guess I’m the best person to cheat on…it’s like I’m in my own little bubble of faux happiness! I almost cheated on him once. There was this cute guy who always came to visit me at work. He bugged me for months about having a drink with him and so, one day I finally gave in. CSL was out with his friends and I figured it was just a drink. We went out for a few hours but then I started to feel guilty, so I went home. It turns out CSL wasn’t out with his friends. He had cooked me a romantic dinner and he even had wine! I felt pretty shitty about it but don’t start feeling bad for him; that was the like the only time he ever did anything sweet for me. AND I ALWAYS came home after work; he didn’t.

I’d like to go back to the fact that I went to school full-time and worked two shitty jobs while living with him. When I first moved to NY, I decided not to go to the gym and I LOVE the gym!! BUT I just couldn’t afford it. After 10 long weeks of feeling shitty and feeling like a fattie, he said he would pay for the gym. However, it always seemed like I was begging for the money every month. So, I decided to get a job at the daycare there! It was truly horrible. I always ended up having to watch 25 kids at one time. It’s kind of tough feeding 3 newborns and policing 12 toddlers at the same time. Let me just tell you this: It was shitty pay but at least going to the gym was free and I didn’t have to beg anymore!

I also asked him to pay for my birth control because after all, he didn’t want a baby either! And that was the SAME situation: Begging. He made me split the food shopping bill too. I mean seriously…$100 bucks a month was nothing to him. I knew how much he made because he made me a budget on excel. I saw his by accident and I almost cried. According to mine, I was negative $65 a month not including any unexpected expenses (god forbid I ever wanted to buy myself something!). My crappy retail job wasn’t paying anything either. I was working a two-person job for $10 an hour. I can’t believe I even worked for $10 an hour! What a freakin’ idiot! I watched my hard earned savings dwindle to nothing every time my car payment was due. I don't know why I would even feel bad asking him for money. Perhaps it was the fact that he should have been providing for me?! Afterall I did change MY WHOLE LIFE to move to NY to be with him.

Well, I was smart enough to move out(kind of late) but not smart enough to dump him right away. I let him and his crap continue for many more months. ACTUALLY, I let him continue to harass me for another 6 months after we broke up; He called/text/e-mailed/etc. WTF?! He even went as far as to call me from the Dominican Republic; he was on OUR vacation with a “friend.” Anyway, I consider it my fault; wasting 3 years and all. The lesson learned (because there is always one): Don’t settle…find real love with a provider!! Aaaaah :P

Monday, April 6, 2009

My So Called "Dad" Part II

Well, I still have my stomach ache...and WTF to these crazy MySpace messages:

Date: Apr 5, 2009 8:45 PM
Subject: re: getting in touch with me

I don't know why you haven't responed to me. After all I am your father. Love you and try to get in touch with me, not all my fault.

*Perhaps I should follow Aunt N's advice and tell him why I'm unhappy with his actions...Wow, that sounds so grown up (He sure isnt... after all, he is contacting me on MySpace!) What I really want to say (but i'll try not to) is F youuuuuuu!!!!!!

PS: IT IS ALL his fault. Child support costs alot when you're trying to afford beer. :) And I seriously dobut the "Love you" part...hmmmm

Sunday, April 5, 2009

My So Called "Dad"

I have this horrible stomachache. My sister says "did he message you on myspace?" SO, I check and this is what I find:

Subject: Re: Me being your father

I heard that your mother said I was dead. I would like to know if it is true, because I believe that I am your father. Let me know what's going on, still alive and well. If you would like to get in touch with me write me or call 386-684-9378.
Hopefully will talk with you soon, your so called DAD!!!!!!!!

He believes he's my father?!? OH MY GOD, I never knew (that's sarcasm) DUH! I never once recall my mom telling me he was dead. She always told the truth: He didn't want to be in our lives. In fact, I feel he is dead to me. My mom struggled as a single mother of two and never once did he pay child support. I don't even think she bothered to try to get any either. Perhaps it was better to move on from a cheater? Either way....where was he the last 25 years of my life? Where was he when I needed a dad? Where was he on all those fathers days when we gave gifts to our mom? Was he in the lives of all my half siblings? (aren't there like 7 of them?!?!) Anyway, my sister wonders why I can't or won't deal with this. Well, I just can't and I don't want to. I know people change but I have changed!! I'm all for giving 2ND, 3RD and even 4Th chances but I can't here. I love my mom and she is all I need. It always makes my heart happy when I see my friends being good dads because that is not what I had. I guess you never know if someone will be a good dad but I know my mom made the right decision here.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Auto Glass or Die!

Oh joy…another boulder hit my windshield today. It made a nice split right next to the ridiculously large crack that I acquired from a previous boulder. I’m starting to think that employees of Safelite Auto Glass drive down the parkway and deposit hefty rocks for their own fun! Hey...that’s one way to keep business up. So let’s take a trip down memory lane and see just how much money I’ve given to Safelite…

1. $510: Back windshield (thanks random hoodlum who threw a rock)
2. $230: Passenger side window (thanks juvenile delinquent who used a crowbar)
3. $65: Front windshield repair (previous boulder)
4. $400: Future windshield replacement

I’m not a math whiz but that’s $805 of my hard earned money with a possible $400 more in the near future. I feel numb over this glass issue because I REALLY love my money! I can tell you one thing: Safelite Auto Glass is definitely recession-proof! Perhaps I should quit my journalism dream and work in auto glass repair? Well, I don’t enjoy getting dirty or working in the cold…So,that’s probably out. My last option: I don’t gamble(once again..I love my money!) but I’m thinking of trying to win some cash in Vegas! 4/22/09…Wish me luck!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

There is This Whole Thing Known as Communication

Dating is like getting hit in the face with a brick. In fact, I’D RATHER GET HIT IN THE FACE WITH 38383 BRICKS! So, probably 90% of us single chic’s are looking for Mr. Right (the other god damn 10% are the only sane ones.) Well shit, I’m just looking for Mr. ALRIGHT! Just someone I can stand dating for more than a month, someone that I can spend some of my time with, someone with a few manners! It seems pretty hard to find but that’s because I’m half retarded. Yes, I can finallu admit my impeded sensibility. I blubber over the guys that don’t call me back. I snivel over the guys that don’t woo me. I whimper over the guys that don’t give me the time of day. Yet, I run like hell from the guys that do and say everything I allegedly want. I can’t believe I am saying this but the “nice” guys annoy the crap out of me. I want to scratch out my eyeballs when I’m on dates with them. So what are my options?

I give 838384 chances to guys that have done me wrong in the past. The trouble with exes is that fact that they’re exes! How many times do you give it a shot before you throw in the towel? I think I’m out of shots!

Dating guys in general, even if they are new, is tricky. There is this whole thing known as communication that you have to contend with. Let’s see there are e-mails, faxes, text messages, instant messages, e-cards, Facebook , Myspace, and even blackberry messenger! With all this fancy new technology, how could you not communicate with me? You don’t like those? Well, perhaps you’re not savvy in technology; well I’ve got the answer for you! You could very well send me a letter via snail mail or even easier, CALL ME ON THE PHONE! Communication went out the door when texting arrived on the dating scene. Instead of calling you the next day, last night’s date text’s you. Instead of calling you to ask you to dinner, he text’s you again. 4AM drunk dialing is out; That’s now a text too. Either way, I’ll have to admit; at least a drunken text is communication (even if it is probably him just trying to get a piece!) In the end, if he’s not communicating, he’s not feeling you! No one is ever that busy. DUH!

My mom says “find the guy who thinks you’re precious.” Well, I don’t know where the happy medium is. I can’t stand the guys that swoon over me and I can’t stand the guys that don’t. I don’t like a challenge. I don’t like being a challenge. If I like you, I’m going to show it. If I don’t like you, I’ll probably beat around the bush about it for a while but I’ll tell you eventually! Either way, dating freakin’ sucks! Sometimes being a spinster sounds like an awesome life plan.

In short, I would like to end this story with a writing segment I like to call: What never to say during an argument, serious talk or fight:

I know I’m a girl and I like to talk about issues/feelings within my relationships and I know most guys aren’t keen on talking about them. HOWEVER, I’ll let everyone in on a dating secret. Don’t ever say “I don’t know what to tell you” while talking to your significant other. It’s the same as saying “I don’t feel like taking the time to think about what you’re saying (aka I just don’t care.) This sentence boils me with rage!!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

My "Phobia" of Decimals & Division

In my 33737th year of college, my "fun-loving" professor announces that we're not allowed to use calculators on our midterm. I'm thinking "Um...well, this isn't a math class...So, that's fine." Then, as I'm reading the study guide I see 12 statistical math problems with decimals and division that only a freakin' genius could figure out with out a calculator. This is an a infectious disease class; my elective. Now, going back to my grade school days, we learned math with calculators! The same goes for middle school, high school and even county college! Now in my senior year, with just 6 weeks to go, I'm supposed to learn this unnecessary and time consuming task? F*ck that! So, I raise my hand and say "We grew up using calculators." He says with an attitude "get over your phobia's of math." I don't have a god damn phobia! I'm certain of my phobia of bugs but math is not scary!! Really, I'm a good student (well most of the time), I have a 3.7 GPA and I strive for A's but this is freakin' ridiculous! I'm tired; tired of college and professors that are out to fail you. I miss the Dr. Shen's and Prof. Yin's of my college career. The moral of this story: I'm not going to grad school! I'm DONE!

Thursday, March 5, 2009


Daylight savings time starts on Sunday which means kickball season shall begin next Wednesday the 11th! Assuming the snow melts, we shall meet at 6:30pm @ Beaver Dam Park. Marlins for $1 beers after the game!

If anyone needs a CHICS KICK BALLS T-shirt let me know. Also, if I don't have your phone number please send it to me so you can receive the weekly mass text messages!

E-mail me: Tvalentine2@gmail.com, send me a facebook msg or post a comment here!

PS: Girls and gay guys only! We do need fans sooooo everyone is invited to come watch and drink with us after the game!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Tree Hugging Freak or Simply Taylor?

One of my professors announced that we have to do a group project. I HATE group projects because there is always that one person who doesn't do their part. Since I'm a leader by nature, I'm the idiot always picking up the slack! Surprisingly, my group is super organized; we had a topic and a plan in under 10 minutes. I became friendly with one person in the group and we started talking abouthand-outs (or "dittos" as some like to call them.) This professor wants us to print out 60 pages of hand-outs a week. It's comical that I have to pay for such outrageous amounts of printing; I guess my$12,000 tuition couldn't possibly cover it? Either way, I told herthat I just bring my laptop to avoid printing all those pages. She said "Who cares, just print them in the computer lab…it's free." Well, actually I care about the environment and that's like a whole freakin' tree I'm going to kill (and throw in the landfill!) I mentioned this to her and she bursts out laughing (perhaps mocking me)Who knew loving the earth was so funny?!

My mom and I now bring reusable bags when we go shopping. I don't mind carrying them around and also, they don't rip soon as you get in the parking lot like crappy plastic bags. Now hear my favorite reuseable bag story: I tell the cashier that I have my own bags; she ignores me and starts using the plastic ones. So I repeat myself and she automatically throws the brand-new plastic bag in the garbage. I think she missed the point of reusable bags!

I'm not a tree-hugging freak (as some have called me in the past!) I just want to make a difference but how can I with such idiots in the world? Some people leave the water on while brushing their teeth, leave the lights on when they leave the room or throw their cigarette butts on the ground (I HATE to use a dirty smoking reference but I must!) How are these common practices when littering is so taboo? Wake up, they're all the same!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Watch Out For Falling Coconuts: PART II

In Costa Rica there is no such thing as straight hair! I attempted to straighten on the first day but my $300 straightener, the chi, couldn’t even tame my curly nightmare! Even, LL who has straight hair, had a bit of wavy tresses. LH and LV had a tie for the best beach hair. I grew to love going about life curly. It was easy as hell, I saved so much time and really, it was messy and hot!

On the second day in Costa, I was searching all closets, drawers, and cubby holes for an iron. I’ll admit, I have a serious fear of wrinkles! I just don’t like them and in fact, I enjoy ironing! Ask any one who’s been on vacation with me…I iron all their clothes for them too! Anyway, I finally got an Iron sent up from housekeeping. Surprisingly, I didn’t use it that much; it must have been my awesome packing skills because my clothes were mostly wrinkle free! OR perhaps I was intoxicated much of the time and didn’t notice! Georgia, our friend, walked in and was like “An Iron… is that really necessary!?” BUT he’s a boy and he was staying in a hostel. You don’t need to worry about your clothes while staying there… You’ve got to worry about your life (please don’t ever watch those hostel movies… you may cry just like I did!)

Costa Rica is really into recycling! There are a bunch of recycling cans and signs every telling you to recycle. Everyone drinks their Imperial beer in cans but I’m just not a fan of cans! I’m not a fan of cans in general because the beer tastes like poo! So, on my 38383 trips to the “Megasuper” food store, the cashier always started rambling something to me in Spanish as I’m buying my usual 12 beers. I don’t know Spanish (except for one dirty sentence) so, I kind of shrug and leave. However, one day LV was there and translated for me. Apparently you pay more for bottles in Costa (much like NY)Either way, I’m on vacation and I want my freakin’ beer in bottles! It was bad enough that you could barely find beer in 6packs (don’t even bother looking for cases!) Twice daily, you’d find us lugging clinking bottles of beer back to our hotel! I’m sorry, if it offends you…I’m kind of a heavy drinker on vacation!

I heard about these awesome sunsets before we left. However, it was always cloudy at 5pm! We really only saw 2 nice sunsets out of 7 days. Alex Rodriguez really wanted to walk on the beach with me at sunset but I declined. I don’t know why. I guess I just wanted a Costa Rican baby from him and nothing more! :P He, no longer will return my e-mails. Should I presume that he’s over it?! Lol

Our hotel was beautiful but you had to walk down this shady street to get into town. Dilapidated shanty’s were on either side and it kind of freaked us all out. One night, I was going to be brave and walk down the street alone but then a nice NY boy that we met walked me back. I went for beer with him, while LV and LH were doing tequila shots with the other NY boys (That crap is not for me!… I LOVE Guaro!) Anyway, we never really had to walk alone down the shady street at night because we made friends with someone new every day! We were very social there! Everyone had at least one crush while in Costa! My crush was by far the cutest! hehehe

While we were sitting around with the NY boys, I decided that I wanted to go look at the hookers at Beetle bar. I recruited one of the NY boys to come with me and we walked across the street to see the hookers! On the way people kept asking us if we wanted to buy weed. The NY boy finally bought some from the 7th guy…I don’t blame him… That was a lot of peer pressure! Anyway, they wouldn’t let me in because you had to be 18 and I didn’t have any ID with me. I was kind of bummed but I got over in when he went in and said it was kind of scary! Later on I realized that they must have thought I was a hooker because the only girls that go there are hookers! Fun times!

Everyday people were making fires on the beach. They were burning palm trees leaves and it was kind of smelly while I was tanning my bod! When I was on the island tour I met some other NY boys. They were humorous and I kept talking to this one Puerto Rican. I kept thinking the entire time “what kind of Puerto Rican has green eyes!?” LOL It was kind of silly because some Puerto Ricans have blonde hair and blue eyes!

My last thought about Costa Rica is: I wish I didn’t accidentally bring home 39998 in Colones because that could buy A LOT of beer in American money!

I heart the cops on TruTV

I was drinking a crappy cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee. It was overly hot, tasteless and conveniently, I hit a pothole. It hurt like hell as it singed my leg…so, I swerved to the “side” of the road (it was really like the middle!) As I’m cleaning up the mess, a hot Howell cop pulls up next to me. He asks me if I’m ok and I ramble on about my coffee mishap. Then 15 seconds go by and he asks me “If I‘m sure.” Now, why the hell am I not swift enough to be like “yes, I’m ok but I’d be better if you asked me for my number!” Seriously, I’ve got a million pickup lines to use on hot cops. Yet, as he pulls away I’m thinking “…there goes another HOT cop interaction that I didn’t act on!” I guess I’ve got to start breaking the law! :P

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Stupid Stick Legs

I wasn’t in the greatest mood today so, everything was making me angry. I didn’t even notice the time but as I was about to pass Asbury Park HS I realized exactly what time it was: 2:30pm. This means that traffic gets diverted onto side streets so the freakin’ hoodlums can spill onto the street near the school with out fear of being hit by mildly irate drivers, such as myself. AP doesn’t even mess around with those silly crossing guards; they have actual cops directing traffic. If you’ve been to AP before then you’d understand the need for REAL cops. If you haven’t been to AP then I don’t recommend going unless you bring your mace and/or your gat!

Anyway, as I drive onto the side street there is this girl with the skinniest legs I have ever seen. I swear she was like 6ft tall with praying mantis-like rods for legs. I wouldn’t even be commenting on her pegs but she was a total crack head. She and her bean pole legs were walking in the middle of the road while shoving a bag of Doritos in her crack head face. Most normal people would move to the side of the road when a car is approaching but not this long-legged freak. She keeps up this absurd behavior for a prolonged 3 minutes. Then, as I finally pass her and barely refrain from yelling obscenities, she throws the empty bag of Doritos on the ground and proceeds to give me a dirty look. In the age of reduce, recycle and reuse(or is it stop, drop and roll? I can’t be sure!), who the hell throws garbage in the road? 7 hours later and I’m still angry. I’d like to whack her Tonya Harding style…right in the back of those stupid stick legs.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

My Famous V-day Date Application

With Valentines Day quickly approaching, I decided to bring back my famous blog from years past. Please anwser truthfully...After all; I don't want a frightening date! Welcome to my V-day date Application…

Cuddle, Snuggle or Spoon?
Please define the term "movie kiss":
List your life goals:
Do you smoke?
If I told you "I just want to be friends" what would you do?
What will we do on our "romantic" V-day date?
If you tell me "I'll call you tomorrow", will you? And what time?
Bike ride, Rollerblade or Jog?
White, Milk or Dark?
Can you cook? (Don't lie because I will find out! I am sneaky!)
How much "free time" do you have?
Your opinion on staying out till 2am on a work/school night:
Do you like to hold hands?
Text message entire conversations or just call?
Metro sexual?
How do you feel about dessert?
Please enlighten me on your feelings about your mom:
I'm a hard worker; Most Saturday's and two jobs in the summer… do you think you are in this category?
Boxers or briefs?
Coach potato or exercise?T

hank you for your application! If you are finished please copy and paste into a message or post it to me! We will be in touch…

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Playing in Traffic

I hate to Say it but God must be punishing me! I went to Barnes & Noble today to buy a much needed toextbook. I'm not able to buy it online and save at least 30% because I have homework due in two days (Keep in mind..i'm angry to begin with!) So, as i'm waiting on line to pay I start browsing the "self-help" books. It certainly is a smart move of BN to put the self-help books next to the register. After all, it is resolution season! Anyway, I start skimming "Theres still time to change" and I get the worst paper cut of my life. I'm standing in line with blood running down my hand and thinking "wow, it sure isn't a good sign to cut yourself while reading a self-help book!" After that incident, I come to the conclusion that this shitty, 30 page, paperback, textbook just cost me $50. I'm suddenly feeling depressed; the way I feel the first week of every semester of college. So, I get a chocolate banana shake from starbucks and I plop down on the sofest chair I can find. I let out a huge sigh, stare straight ahead and what do I see directly in front of me? A book that I read in college when I lived in NY. That is just SO not fair! I've made changes and decisions on letting go of my unhappy thoughts. I don't want to think of that time in my life anymore or ever again yet, there it is...the one book I remember and its hitting me like a ton of bricks.

It just comes at an odd time because just yesterday I was saying to my mom "god must be punishing me" but really how much does he hate me!? It started Christmas eve when I went to get a routine oil change. They told me I needed tires and that they had a cheaper import that would save me a great deal of money. BUT I feel you get what you pay for and this is why I have credit cards. So $724 and a few sad, money-troubling tears later, I leave with four shiny new tires.

The ride home was super fun because when I went over 50MPH the whole car started shaking. They didn't balance my tires corectly and I had to waste another 2 hours to get it fixed. The following week my tire pressure light comes on. I check the air and one tire is extremly low. The light then proceeds to come on again this week (its the same damn tire again.) It looks like I have a slow leak in my brand new $175 tire!!!! I'm freakin' pissed! I'm freakin' tired! I'm freakin ready to ride the bus! grrr I'm just waiting for bad thing #3 happen lol Just Kidding! I'm not that angry. I was much angrier when the hoodlum from AP threw a rock through my back windshield! Money goes as fast as it comes. SO much for having savings! Perhaps I should invest some time into finding a sugar daddy and/or a bf? lol

In short, God, I'm sure does love me. BUT this simply must be a test of how much crap I can take before i start playing in traffic!!