Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Bum's away

I finally got a call back from a job that, from all angles, looked promising. So, I went for the first interview and overall, it seemed good! I wasn't a big fan of the guy (also interviewing) in the waiting room who was hitting one me. I'm thinking come on dude, this isn't the right place to pick up chic's! Also, I've always been told "make sure your handshake it firm or prospective employers will look down upon you." Is it weird if I look down upon my prospective employer for his handshake? Anyway, I got a good vibe from the place despite limp, shady handshakes and shadier guys (after all, they haven't screened anyone yet!)

So, second interview day comes. I was told that I'd be shadowing a guy who does my future job. I was also told that it was a "full day," so be prepared. I was ready to go while begging god to let this be a legitimate job (perhaps a good paying one too!) Needless to say, God let me down today.

I still don't know much about the job except some speculation, when I'm thrown into the car with nelson (the driver...he doesn't speak much English) and Damien (the passenger... he's wearing royal blue slacks.) The non-American's car is old and smelly and DIRTY. I have nothing against old cars! After all, my first car was a 1989 stanza but I kept it spotless and lovely smelling. Anyway they seem nice enough so, I start asking down to earth questions about the job. I soon find out the ridiculous facts: it's door-to-door "free info," commission based and the hours are horrendous (9am-8pm plus Saturday!) I forgot to mention the fact that we're also on our way to somerset. I start to freak and demand that they drop me off at the next shopping center. One of the guys asks "So, the boss didn't mention any of this?" UH, NO! In short, they drop me off on the side of route 33. Meanwhile, my blisters and I finally make our way to a bench near wal-mart and I start contemplating my life. I start to cry (yes, I know...How embarrassing.) It's not like I'm crying over this shady job; It's this unemployed life that's bringing me down.

30K and 6 years worth of college and I can't find a job that makes me happy? I should have been a teacher or a nurse; Perhaps that schooling would have had better outcomes. BUT It's too late for me now. Then, I start thinking, who the hell would want to marry a forever-unemployed person? Can they even be loved? OK, So I'll be a spinster. Perhaps, I'll go on welfare? Oh wait, I think you need an illegitimate child for that. OK, I'll get knocked up. At least I'll have a kid that loves me, for me.

As my mind spirals out of control, Aunt B comes to rescue me. THANK GOD. I later head south for some much need mommy TLC. The first thing my mom says is "Did you know that your skirt is see-through? Everyone can see your cheeks!" SO, I showed my ass in an interview? I don't know what the lesson is here but hey, I did notice a lot of smiles today.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Crazy Gymantics

I want to ram my car into people at the gym who fight for close parking spaces. Is there really a point to this? How about you park further and walk a bit? I believe we are all here for a common goal: exercise! Perhaps, I'm just getting old and a tad bit forgetful but I park in the same vicinity daily or I simply get confused on my way out! I figure that these parking lot fighters are probably the same people who think the gym is more of a club than a place for working out. We all know those chic's that wear make-up and have their have hair and nails done like it's Saturday night, everyday. They are there simply for a self esteem boost rather than the 25 calories they burn "jogging" on the treadmill. Of course there are also those guys that talk to EVERYONE at the gym. Dude, this isn't freakin' speed dating or a chat room, move on! These people clog up machines and free-weights like they own them! If we eliminated just HALF of these people, workouts would be SO much faster. Don't get me wrong, I fully enjoy watching these spectacles while jogging on the treadmill (And YES, I'm actually exercising.) In short, please save your awkward social hour for the weekend and let me evade any future love handles!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Now Pee This

Leaving the toilet seat up is like a crime against women! My lovely BF only left it up a few times BUT I had to yell at him and force him to come put it down. Sure, I could have put it down myself but it's the principle! It's appalling, hurtful and just plain GROSS! Do we leave USED tampons in the toilet?! I would never! In fact, leaving-the-seat-up shenanigans caused me to break it off with a guy once (OK...Maybe there were other reasons too!) It seems like bad manners to me; How could mom approve!? The argument I've heard is this: "Maybe I'm just forgetful." Well, personally I don't care to date someone forgetful even though, I'm sort of forgetful(How doublestand-ish of me!)

The other day I was introduced to someones fiancee like this: "This is my AWESOME fiancee, Joe." He seemed nice and then, asked to use the bathroom. Shortly after I went in and saw the seat up! I immediately labeled him as not-so-awesome Joe and went on my way! If you marry someone who leaves the seat up what else will he forget!? I dare not tread down that road! Enjoy your peeing! :)