Thursday, November 11, 2010

Halloween 365

I stopped writing blogs but I thought it was fitting to start up again because you all have to meet CRAZY Christine! Crazy Christine is my neighbor. She has 3 teeth, a raspy voice and multiple boyfriends; She is like Halloween all year! I used to live on the 3rd floor and I rarely saw or heard her BUT I could always smell her! She must smoke 383383 cig's(and probably crack!)in the hallway and her cooking well, it smells like she's frying squirrel carcasses! A few months ago I moved to the first floor which was nice because (as you might know)odor travels up! However, what I did not take into account is the fact that her apartment is directly above my living room. She must be like 97 years old because she blasts her TV and radio quite loud 24/7. Also, she has a new WT "boyfriend" named Charlie who she likes to stomp, slam and scream at all day long. I almost didn't mind my pictures falling off the walls. It really didn't effect me much until I had a leak in my bedroom and I was forced to sleep in the living room. I tried ear plugs which do in fact, drown out Craig's snoring, but they don't make a dent in her noise pollution, I haven't said anything to her because the fact is, I'm moving in 2 weeks. BUT last night while sitting on the porch with my only normal neighbor, Mark, she started up a conversation with us. She was mostly complaining about her broken hand which was caused by punching a wall(I recall that night because I only got 3 hours of sleep.) I'm pretty glad to know she can't cook, button her pants or wipe her ass (Bitch, I miss my sleep!) Anyway, she said and I quote "Man, I have these really noisy neighbors next to me...It's driving me crazy." In short, I think if there hadn't been a witness, I would have shanked the crackhead!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Bum's away

I finally got a call back from a job that, from all angles, looked promising. So, I went for the first interview and overall, it seemed good! I wasn't a big fan of the guy (also interviewing) in the waiting room who was hitting one me. I'm thinking come on dude, this isn't the right place to pick up chic's! Also, I've always been told "make sure your handshake it firm or prospective employers will look down upon you." Is it weird if I look down upon my prospective employer for his handshake? Anyway, I got a good vibe from the place despite limp, shady handshakes and shadier guys (after all, they haven't screened anyone yet!)

So, second interview day comes. I was told that I'd be shadowing a guy who does my future job. I was also told that it was a "full day," so be prepared. I was ready to go while begging god to let this be a legitimate job (perhaps a good paying one too!) Needless to say, God let me down today.

I still don't know much about the job except some speculation, when I'm thrown into the car with nelson (the driver...he doesn't speak much English) and Damien (the passenger... he's wearing royal blue slacks.) The non-American's car is old and smelly and DIRTY. I have nothing against old cars! After all, my first car was a 1989 stanza but I kept it spotless and lovely smelling. Anyway they seem nice enough so, I start asking down to earth questions about the job. I soon find out the ridiculous facts: it's door-to-door "free info," commission based and the hours are horrendous (9am-8pm plus Saturday!) I forgot to mention the fact that we're also on our way to somerset. I start to freak and demand that they drop me off at the next shopping center. One of the guys asks "So, the boss didn't mention any of this?" UH, NO! In short, they drop me off on the side of route 33. Meanwhile, my blisters and I finally make our way to a bench near wal-mart and I start contemplating my life. I start to cry (yes, I know...How embarrassing.) It's not like I'm crying over this shady job; It's this unemployed life that's bringing me down.

30K and 6 years worth of college and I can't find a job that makes me happy? I should have been a teacher or a nurse; Perhaps that schooling would have had better outcomes. BUT It's too late for me now. Then, I start thinking, who the hell would want to marry a forever-unemployed person? Can they even be loved? OK, So I'll be a spinster. Perhaps, I'll go on welfare? Oh wait, I think you need an illegitimate child for that. OK, I'll get knocked up. At least I'll have a kid that loves me, for me.

As my mind spirals out of control, Aunt B comes to rescue me. THANK GOD. I later head south for some much need mommy TLC. The first thing my mom says is "Did you know that your skirt is see-through? Everyone can see your cheeks!" SO, I showed my ass in an interview? I don't know what the lesson is here but hey, I did notice a lot of smiles today.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Crazy Gymantics

I want to ram my car into people at the gym who fight for close parking spaces. Is there really a point to this? How about you park further and walk a bit? I believe we are all here for a common goal: exercise! Perhaps, I'm just getting old and a tad bit forgetful but I park in the same vicinity daily or I simply get confused on my way out! I figure that these parking lot fighters are probably the same people who think the gym is more of a club than a place for working out. We all know those chic's that wear make-up and have their have hair and nails done like it's Saturday night, everyday. They are there simply for a self esteem boost rather than the 25 calories they burn "jogging" on the treadmill. Of course there are also those guys that talk to EVERYONE at the gym. Dude, this isn't freakin' speed dating or a chat room, move on! These people clog up machines and free-weights like they own them! If we eliminated just HALF of these people, workouts would be SO much faster. Don't get me wrong, I fully enjoy watching these spectacles while jogging on the treadmill (And YES, I'm actually exercising.) In short, please save your awkward social hour for the weekend and let me evade any future love handles!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Now Pee This

Leaving the toilet seat up is like a crime against women! My lovely BF only left it up a few times BUT I had to yell at him and force him to come put it down. Sure, I could have put it down myself but it's the principle! It's appalling, hurtful and just plain GROSS! Do we leave USED tampons in the toilet?! I would never! In fact, leaving-the-seat-up shenanigans caused me to break it off with a guy once (OK...Maybe there were other reasons too!) It seems like bad manners to me; How could mom approve!? The argument I've heard is this: "Maybe I'm just forgetful." Well, personally I don't care to date someone forgetful even though, I'm sort of forgetful(How doublestand-ish of me!)

The other day I was introduced to someones fiancee like this: "This is my AWESOME fiancee, Joe." He seemed nice and then, asked to use the bathroom. Shortly after I went in and saw the seat up! I immediately labeled him as not-so-awesome Joe and went on my way! If you marry someone who leaves the seat up what else will he forget!? I dare not tread down that road! Enjoy your peeing! :)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Shenanigans, Schmanigans...Call Me Crazy!

It felt good to wake up at 6am today. It felt even better because not only did I clean my apartment and cook dinner, I also went for run (all before 7:15am!) It was nice getting back into running especially since I have a lot on my mind! Shin splints or not, I do enjoy running!

Anyway, yesterday was terrible. After a long day of taking care of a cranky newborn and a bossy 2 year old, I come home to a horrific car insurance bill. I used to pay just $995 a year and now, shitty Geico wants me to pay $2600. AND I didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I'm a ridiculously good driver (Even more so after "The Accident.") I don't see why shit from the past keeps coming up. Leave me alone Karma...I'm innocent!!! All I keep thinking is that I'm going to have to sell my beautiful, new car because I can't afford insurance. THEN, I'll have to find a job within walking distance. Which I suppose is doable since, just yesterday, my neighbor basically offered me a waitress job on the AP boardwalk. I don't know...I just can't picture myself serving people! OR worse: working nights and weekends! Well, I guess I've done it in the past during my many years at the candy/ice cream store.

I just really never imagined that at 26 I'd be contemplating a job that doesn't include my passions; Writing or photography. BUT then again, I really never imagined that I'd be living a crappy apartment, either! I thought for sure I'd have my sweet, little craftsman with a yard and dog (I guess there could be a husband thrown in there somewhere too... eh maybe.) So, seeing that my life is not what I expected, I guess a random (hopefully good money making)job isn't out of the question.

All these random thoughts of the past have to be the cause of my crazy dream last night. It might not of helped that I had a good 10 hours of sleep; perfect for random dreams! Lets just say I married someone from the past; the VERY distant past. The strange part was the fact that it was an arranged marriage. Oddly enough, since I met this character I said that I was going to marry him. EVEN dear JLE has always said that's how my life would end. It was only few years ago that I called off those shenanigans. So, why in this dream was I forced into it? STRANGE; very strange!

Overall, after last nights crying episode and today's early rise, I feel better. Perhaps I can go on with my not so typical life. :)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Cougar In The City

The other day I was walking with LL at the Seaside parade when some random guy jumped in front of us. Apparently, he wanted to converse with us but all I wanted was a beer (I was late and my beer intake was pretty low!) So, we giggle and walk around him. THEN he yells "You're told old for us anyway!" Now, why is it assumed I'm too old for a "21" year old? Could it possibly be that I just don't find your attractive?!? I later asked a guy we knew if I could pass for 21 and he agreed. I was also told just last week that "you couldn't possibly be 26...I thought 19 or 20!" Am I turning into a cougar? I have always joked with AK that we're cougars and superfoxes but now when I think back to that...we we're uh, 21 then! So, now I'm wishing I never said I was a cougar (I'll keep superfox because that is so ridiculously true!) Well, 30 is looming closer and closer and I'm still getting nervous! Off to buy wrinkle cream!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

This Is My Brain On...Crack?

My memory really bothers me and truthfully, It doesn't make sense at all. I'm starting to think that I might need professional help because my memory is driving me crazy. Here's the thing: I can't remember long term stuff such as the name of my third grade teacher. In my defense, it was at least 18 years ago but I know people who can remember smaller things more years ago! I also can't remember short term stuff such as what I was doing last Wednesday and I'd like to remember because... well, it was hump day! What if it was amazing? What if I did something worth while?'s quantum physics... maybe Wednesday never even happened! Anyway, the point is that I can remember A LOT of other stuff. BUT there are things that would be better left forgotten!

I'm sure everyone gets this but isn't it crazy that you can hear a song and instantly you're in a memory? The other day, while driving, I heard a song and wham: It's July 2007 and I'm back to miserable. I'm struggling, lonely, over worked and under paid. All for a VERY stupid lovesick dream. If only 2007 had been a dream!

It's almost unfair when I hear this one song (which unfortunately, was a #1 hit and is STILL played all the time) because I'm always thrown back into December 2005; A VERY unsure time. Who the HELL wants to feel unsure? It's a terrible way to feel and yet, I'm there at least monthly.

Just today I had another one of these episodes. I was smack in the middle of Mother's Day 2008. AND no it is not my mother who invaded this memory. It was my lack of self control and frankly, my CRAZY lack of good judgment. Eh, it's a long story!

Why is it that so many good memories fade and the somewhat evil ones stay? Maybe this is some sort of punishment or perhaps maybe it's just time to lay off the booze! Naaaaaahhh, It can't possibly be the second one. ;) Mostly because that makes me look like an alcoholic. AND there is nothing wrong with alcoholics except for the fact that I'm not one. I'm a responsible drinker...........most of the time. Just kidding mom! aaaah

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Taylor's Law

I took a trip down memory lane today. It was a pretty shitty vacation. In fact, I wish I'd gone anywhere else; Even to the dentist! Anyway, I was in search of a few old pictures to fill my photo coasters. Unfortunately, on the hunt I found 383838 pictures of ex's. Who the hell wants to look at those?! AND I'm thinking "Why the hell did I take so many?!" The question now stands: What should I do with these photos? Burning them in a huge fire pit first pops into my head. I would Especially like to burn the ones of a certain ex. BUT what if my memory fades? Do I even want to remember?! There has to be at least 383838 memories that I wish to erase from my head but only time will tell if they truly disappear. As for the random shots...well, perhaps I'll let them stay in my albums for now. BUT I propose a new law against relationship pictures; I'm OK with a 6 month waiting period before you're allowed to snap a picture. Sure, it's longer than the waiting period for a gun but believe me...these can cause way more damage!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I'm Not in Kansas Anymore

I woke up today, day 3 of unemployment, and decided that I needed to start reading again. I used to love reading! I used to love it so much that I could easily read a 500 page book in one sitting. So, I made my way to this library that I had once passed while jogging. After an hour of collecting books I made my way to the check-out counter. I asked for a new library card because I'm new to Monmouth county. I find out they charge $50 dollars for one and then, ridiculously sensitive me, starts crying. Since when do libraries cost money?!? I start explaining that I've always lived in Ocean county and it's never cost me a dime! All of a sudden 5 Librarians come out of the woodwork to subdue me (Or so they might hope.)Now, 6 nerdy book lovers are staring at me and one says "well, I was at a library the other day and it cost $75!" Is this supposed to make me feel better?! F you lady, books are free where I come from! AND why the hell are you traveling to other libraries anyway?! Don't you get enough boredom at work?? I storm out of there wondering why the hell I moved here. Monmouth county sure is snoody! I'm very confused because I thought rich people just bought books!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Pheromones: The Scent of Yesterday

I heard that somewhere across the pond you can buy "grilled-meat" scented cologne. Women, apparently, find the scent of grilled meat to be sexy. I however, don't see how this statement can be true. I don't even enjoy grilling! I'm scared to turn the grill on and coming inside smelling like smoke is hardly appealing. There is nothing worse than feeling like you were just smoked! Sure, I like eating grilled meat but the thought of smelling like a t-bone steak rubs me the wrong way. So, maybe there are some ladies out there who might fancy a meaty aroma on their guy but I think I'd prefer a veggie-scented man. After all, my veggie-scented man is probably a bit more fit.

Another new invention that interests me is bacon-scented soap! There is a company someone selling this lovely soap and I wish I could just get a whiff! The idea of cleansing my body and coming out smelling like Sunday morning breakfast, intrigues me. This soap is most likely geared towards men but i'm thinking they should have a version for women. Isn't the way to a man's heart through his stomach? The advertisement could read: "Ladies, no need to cook for your man...Just smell like you did! Caution: This product may lead to bite marks." It sure sounds inviting to me.

Whatever happened to good old pheromones? I wish people would revert back to smelling like humans. I prefer finding a date the old fashioned way: Smelling for him! Of course, if you want to cheat your way into a man's heart, you can buy a pheromone additive for your perfume. I personally don't see this as a legit course of action when it comes to dating. If you're going to fake your smell than why don't you throw on a wig too? I'm not saying that you shouldn't wear perfume or cologne but just that perhaps, you should try out your pheromones for a change! Animals sniff out mates all the time. Some animals such as swans, mate for life. Of course, there are some animals(and people...I'm sure) that use pheromones for short-term mating. I, on the other hand, recommend sniffing for love (or lust!)

I suppose it doesn't matter how you smell as long as the person smelling you likes it. However, all that bacon, meat and whatever else you doused on your neck (and probably shirt, pants, hair ) won't last forever.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Bury Me In Ocean GRAVE

I love OG but it should be renamed Ocean Grave! The old folks are freakin' driving me crazy. There are only two types of old people in OG. There are the ones who are extremely cautious or the ones who don't give a damn about anything. There is no middle ground here just tons of crazies walking and, god forbid, driving!

The other day I stopped home on my lunch break to get something and as I'm driving out of OG, I get stuck behind grandma. I was doing 20MPH and I have to slam on my breaks to avoid hitting her bumper. She's doing a cool 15MPH and proceeds to turn around and give me the finger. All the while, she keeps slamming on her breaks every 20 seconds. After a ridiculously long 5 minutes, she finally pulls over to the right side of the road and as I'm passing, I see her yelling obscenities. Soooooorry Dottie but the speed limit is 25MPH and you're being a freakin' nutty! Isn't OG such a nice religious town?!

Fast forward to today. I'm driving in OG, very slowly, I might add (It's a blizzard!) and this 173 year old couple crosses the street in front of me with out even a glance in either direction. I slam on my breaks and slide to a stop on the left. I'm thinking "thank GOD, I didn't hit those oldies" but I'm pretty sure they were thinking " Earl, would ya look at that whippersnapper...she almost killed us!" So, I finally continue on but not with out death stares from the odd couple, Earl and Gladys.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Ditch this!

The worst part of dating has to be ditching the guys who don't do it for you. 97% of me wants to just "disappear" much like how 99.9% of guys do when they're not into you. 2% of me wants to send a quick text saying "Hey, It's been fun but it's over!" and the other 1% "wants" to place an actual call. Dating is beat!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Diamonds Are Not My Best Friend

I must have been sprawled out out on my bed, sneakers on, staring at the ceiling for a good 45 minutes. I was contemplating 1 of 3 things: Jumping out the window, doing the huge pile of dishes or eating some sugar. I went with the sugar; It always heals. I imagine booze has the same effect, only I need more of it and despite my mood, I'm still watching those calories! Anyway, it was a terrible, terrible day. I wouldn't say it was horrific because I've had much worse but it was bad. DGR sure doesn't make my life easy. In fact, he really just pisses me off. Sometimes I wish that he wasn't a pathological liar or even better: that I lacked a spine. Perhaps I could have continued on with him knowing he was lying about everything under the sun. All this ridiculousness could be erased from my memory and things could be the way they were before. But I have a spine AND a brain; No liar will ever be the one.

It all started with asking him when he was going to mail me the monthly check for the ring. You see, I have this $5K ring that sits in my apartment. It's sits around in the box for weeks until that certain day when I'm feeling odd. Then, I slip the ring on, not because I'm sad that I'm not marrying him but more or less because I'm sad about not getting to wear it. It's my ring and my ex/non-dream guy wants to re gift it to a new chic. I can't fathom my dream ring on another hand; especially someone he loves. So, I place it back in the box and stash it in the dark. That ring is as terrible as today but I can't let it go.

Anyway, he ruined my day and I should throw that ring out the window. OK, maybe tomorrow.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Dolla' Drama

Yesterday, against my best judgment, I went to the dollar store. It was ridiculously crowded with people buying their valentines..well, uh...valentines. It's not exactly the ideal place that I'd like MY valentine to shop for a gift but then again, I don't have a valentine(I must have forgotten!) Anyway, as I'm waiting in the abnormally long line, I realize exactly what town I'm in. It's humorous because I said "I'm not going to the Asbury dollar store...I'll get shanked for my $1.07" but here I am stuck between chic with 7 different baby daddy's and world's most WT guy. I thought Neptune City would shield me from the hoodlums but I was wrong. I'm losing patience waiting in line when some ghetto twenty-something at the front starts yelling "I ain't paying a dolla' 29 for some cheap ass balloon...What kind of f'n dolla' store is this?" She proceeds to storm out of the store like she made some kind of HUGE political statement. All this over $.22? I chuckle knowing she's gonna go to Walgreens and pay $2.99. In short, I will never go to the "dolla'" store again. In fact, I will never go to Neptune again! Hey China! You can't have my money!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Crazy Cracked Up Christine

If I had any speck of doubt that section 8 people lived in my apartment's long gone! Yesterday crazy Christine from the second floor volunteered to help me "shovel" out my car. Here's how it went down: I'm outside clearing off my car and crazy Christine hops out of a taxi, smelling like booze (This is typical.) I'm slightly confused. Is she JUST getting home? It's 7am and she's wasted! Anyway, she says "I'll be right back down to help." Ten minutes later she is shoving a sad excuse for chocolate chip cookies in my face "AH, I made these for you!" No one in their right mind would eat cookies from a crackhead but I say thanks and leave them on the curb. So, now she is attempting to crack the ice off my BRAND NEW car with a shovel! I cringe in fear of dings and scratches and pull the shovel from her hand! Anyway, in the end I got my car out. I was just a little concerned because 45Min's later she was still shoveling the street! I guess crack for crackheads is as good as spinach for popeye.

PS. Almost inside, I hear "TAYLOR... Don't forget your cookies!" DAMN, I was trying to forget them! Soon as I'm safe in my apartment, I say "YUCK" out loud and toss those filthy things in the trash! Later that evening I hear her banging on all of the neighbors doors and yelling "YO, more cookies!!" God, I love this apartment.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Is That Hyper Thyroidism or Just Plain Scary?

I can't believe I wasted perfectly good mascara on this date! I can only thank God for the fact that it was just coffee, not dinner! The last hour and a half were spent with these googly brown eyes staring back at me and honestly, I was getting kind of nervous! At least 3 times during the date I caught myself thinking "Wow, I wish I had one of those panini sandwiches!" Anyway, Gaylord Focker kept talking about himself and all I kept thinking was "HELLOOOOO, 30 year old virgin!" It's never a good idea to talk about STD's on a first date but that didn't stop this dude; He brought up chlamydia at least 3 times. Somewhere in the conversation I blurted out "Yeah, dating is tough...I think I'm gonna become a spinster" and that didn't even stop him from blabbing. I wish I had enough balls to have left in the first 5 minutes because that's about when I was done chugging my Venti Soy Vanilla Chai! Note to self: Always get a small drink and make it a iced one (Easier to chug! Ohhhh my mouth!) So, finally the place was closing (THANK YOU Starbucks for closing so early) and I could escape. He asked me which car was mine and for second I contemplated lying! I'm thinking "OMG this idiot is going to follow me home and shank me!" BUT I told him anyway and he says "Oh Really... I totally thought you were a truck kind of girl!" Oh thanks GAYLORD...I must be Butch! In the end, I learned a valuable lesson. If you have a date planned and you get the sniffles, STAY HOME. I'll never get those 90 minutes of my life back.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Don't Delete Me Bro!

Facebook really sucks! THERE.... I said it! Here's the thing: I miss anonymity! There is no longer a question of what your friend, your ex or even you great-aunt Helen over in Kansas is doing. You know who they're talking to, what they're doing, hell... you even know WHO they're doing! I'm tired of knowing it all! I've been forced to hide, block and delete the people who give too much information! No longer do you need to call your friends after work; You already know their whole day and life!

I miss the days of ringing doorbells. Now it's a text saying "Hey, I'm outside!" How about the days of snail mail? Romance is gone! The only letters you get are spam! Barely, will your crush call let alone send a letter. Usually it's a text saying "How was your day, babe?" Really, communication is out of control. I realize that I'm a communications major (and I love to communicate!) but what the hell is wrong with this world! I'd give up texting/blackberry messaging/e-mailing/instant messaging in exchange for some intimacy! Send me a letter or just show up! I miss 1999. Sure, some people had beepers but I didn't! (Not a fan of touching the nasty 7-11 payphone!) Text messaging didn't even exist! People wrote letters/notes to their hunnies! Where the F is that time machine!?!?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Snow Hunny,Tom Terd, Man Boobs...How Nice!

"Taylor Valentine?" says the lady at the front desk, "Someone has been waiting for you since 7am!" I'm a little scared and slightly intrigued since I don't know anyone at Jay peak! Needless to say, we ran over to the mart for the first of 3338383 beers to wait on my mystery man/roommate. I realllllly wish I had never found him because he turned out to be a creep! I didn't believe a thing he said about his life. He wasn't a marine or a train conductor. I'm pretty sure he used to be in jail and probably plays with toy trains and barbies! He kept telling us "I'm an insomniac, I don't ever sleep!" Well, after "injuring" his rib on the second day, my silly friends pointed out that "all he did was sleep/snore on the floor!" Anyway, he really sucked and the last 2 days were creep-free.

Our "modern" condo was hilarious. All 3 TVs were wood-sided with knobs and antennas! The TV in my room had a built in radio. We only had 13 channels AND no remote! WTF? I'm American and lazy; I don't get up to change channels! Hence why I watched 37 episodes of full house. I also loved the cassette player and the "surround sound" (aka 2 giant speakers, on shelves, on either side of the couch.) The BEST part of the whole condo had to be the mirrors on the ceiling of my room. I really hope those sheets were cleaned before we got into that whoopee-makin' bed!

I spent more time in the hot tub then I did on the mountain! LOL I love boarding but I love being warm and not to mention checking out my snow hunny 1/2 naked doesn't hurt either! ;)

I did go bikini snowboarding. Although, when I woke up that day , I was wishing I could have backed out of it! Unfortunately, the night before I was drunken nerd and told the world to come see my white ass heading down the mountain! The whole week is was 35-40 degrees and OF COURSE, on bikini day, it was 19 at the peak! I lasted just 3 minuties with nothing but the bikini on and almost 20 minutes (allllll the way down) with just my coat on. I have never been so cold in my life. I couldn't feel my legs for like 12 hours after the bikini run! I don't know what the hell I was thinking! People kept asking me "are you wasted or high?" And NO I wasn't either of those; I was just dumb!

There was also Tom "Terd!" He was the biggest creep ever! He claimed to be 35 but he was more like 55. He was the guy running this trip and offered to give us a ride to the hot tub. As we were pulling out of the parking lot he says "I know the hot tub is left but I just want to show you something real quick." I'm thinking " OH MY GOD...We're all going to die!" He was driving like a maniac down snowy, mountain roads and took us to a parking lot. He then proceeded to do donuts in the snow. The other girls didn't seem to mind this but I started to cry/have a panic attack. I was in a pretty shitty, multiple car accident just a few months ago so, I have a bit of post traumatic stress disorder. I told him this and kept begging for him to let me out; I would rather walk! Anyway, we survived but I hated the terd at this point. He decided to join as in the hot tub in only his tighty blackies underwear! GROSSSSS! I labeled him MAN BOOBS and hoped never to see his stupid face again!

Overall, I'm pretty bummed to be home!!! I miss being in the snow everyday and of course, my snow hunny! :(

Friday, January 15, 2010

I Don't Do Coke!

It was 9:45PM and I had just gotten comfy in bed... Reading a book. I'm not one for wearing a lot of pj's to bed (it's 38383 degrees in my apartment) so, when I hear knocking at my door...I'm scrambling to find pants as not to scare the mystery knocker! I know it's my friendly neighbor, mark, because he is yelling and banging on the door "Taylor, Hey...It's Mark." Apparently, I was not quick enough to answer. So, what does he want? He would like to know if I'd like a 12 pack of soda. I find this odd and ever odder that it's 10pm and he's asking if I want regular or diet. Needless to say, I didn't take any. AND it's not because I don't like soda. In fact, I LOVE soda but I spent 3 hours and MANY days of pain, getting my teeth whitened. There is NO WAY in hell, I'm losing these white chompers to the yellow tinge of cola!

Anyway, another note on my lovely neighbor. He is always quite friendly and I like him. One day he knocked on my door and I'm thinking he might ask to borrow the usual "cup of sugar" but he wanted a flash light! I just find it funny because when I said "Mark, you owe me a cup of sugar now," he said "Well, I don't have sugar but I have muscles!" I'm not quite sure how to take that comment.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Wine & Me: Perfect Together!

It might be a sad day when you are busting open the BIG bottle of wine...By yourself...on a Thursday night but I don't care that day is today! It's not like today was horrible; maybe life has been horrible lately. It all started when I was eating dinner and flipping through the Victoria Secret catalog. Seems normal, Right? EXCEPT, I'm contemplating buying some lingerie. UM, HELLLLOOOO Taylor? You're single and alone...Who the hell are you buying this for? So then , I started feeling sad and busted open the wine! AND here we are. It's 7:58 and I'm blogging about my life.

I've been feeling crazy tired lately. So tired that after 12 hours of sleep, I still can't open my eyes. I'm thinking I'm 1 of 3 things: Depressed, getting sick or knocked up. The first 2 are OK, I guess. The 3rd makes me want to vomit. SO, I'm wishing for a sign that it's either 1 or 2 because what else could it be?

The dishes in the sink overwhelm me. It's not fair that I have to cook and wash the dishes too! But really, who the hell am I complaining too? This is reality and when you live alone...You either cook or eat fast food. Since I have a fear of love handles, I'm gonna go with cooking. A cheeseburger would be nice though. :(